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Living Your Warrior
Ta'ah, Grandmother, Tsleil Waututh elder,
who participated in Greenpeace action to stop the Kinder Morgan
pipeline and oil tankers in British Columbia, Canada. Photo
by Zach Emery.
I was wondering if anyone has tips
on living your warrior woman without being a jerk? How to be
assertive and protect the fort, without attacking or losing
I've found this balance only on a
couple occasions. They had to do with prayer, lovingkindness,
and opening sacred space. I also think (this is silly) that
Cesar Milan does his warrior well in The Dog Whisperer...when
he goes into that calm assertive state. For me, it is very hard
to be calm when I am being assertive.
Just on the topic, if anyone has
other suggestions I'd be interested.
much I can add. Except I love the Dog Whisperer!
I do think it
lies in what he says - calm assertive. But how to do that? Oyyy...
In my life I have found that women are more emotionally aggressive
than men, which does make things trickier for us, especially
since most women battle against the myth that "good girls
are ladylike" IE - no strong forceful emotions, no aggressive
behavior, no taking charge or control.
So women mostly
only take control/assertion when they are so angry or emotional
they explode = messy uncontrolled and then we feel even MORE
guilty later after the fur and blood are cleaned up. ;)
I can't think
of a clear answer and at the moment have no time to stay. Will
be back if I get any moments of clarity and womanly wisdom.
being calm and assertive are opposites in your mind. They are
two absolutely mutually exclusive things?
my circles...the subsets.
Calm in one. Assertive in the other...
There may be aspects of them that are mutually exclusive (for
me that isn't true, so I can't speak to that).
Now where to the two circles overlap.
What is in that subset...which people do you know who live that
subset and therefore hold the key to that part of your light
shadow that you haven't yet acknowledge is a part of you?
When have you touched that subset, and been both calm and assertive...(you
alluded to that happening a couple of times)? Why were those
times different? Did they touch a different part of your being?
Did they touch on stuff that you've already journeyed and so
you own your own story in that area?
me, that is always the case.
If I find that I cannot hold my center in a situation...and
deal with it from that place of calm centeredness that is such
a desire for me....then I know I haven't done my work around
whatever triggered me.
And I step back...(maybe physically, maybe not) while I figure
out the hidden trigger for me...the reason whatever it is I'm
dealing with triggers behavior or response from me, that I didn't
expect myself, and that I cannot be proud to act out...
So I've touched on hurting other people...and while I would
choose not to when possible, I have no trouble owning that I
do it, and sometimes it is conscious and sometimes it is unconscious,
and it is all okay.
So I've touched on being selfish...and while I like to also
be selfless, I am good with the fact that in this particular
incarnation I'm a Self, and that sometimes I'll be selfish and
sometimes selfless, and both are okay.
of my heart. Is it possible you look at your own behavior and
responses and judge them against the responses and behaviors
of people who have walked their walk much longer than you have.
I found my center by walking my own walk. By being the persons
I didn't want to be, and examining those journeys.
You are such a beautyfull soul. You walk your walk with a joy
and energy that is way beyond your physical years, in my experience.
Your Warrior Woman, while there, may not yet have had much reason
to be present. Your fey energy has dominated your walk thus
are so beautyfull, and time will only create more and more beauty
in your presence.
thinking of some of MonSnoLeeDra's responses in the other Warrior
Woman thread, and was thinking that accepting who we are, especially
when it doesn't fit the mold of who we wish we could be...may
be an act of our warrior woman. I can't imagine any warrior
wanting to set out to actually kill, but they accept killing
as a possibility...them killing and them being killed.
more peace filled version of being a warrior within, I would
think that facing all the parts of who we are, that we really
wish we didn't have to be, and acknowledging them, and living
with them, and accepting their gifts, and dealing with the aspects
of them we aren't so keen to know or have seen...may be the
act of the inner warrior, regardless of sex.
could be all wet, which is what I intend to be in 5 minutes,
in my Jacuzzi.
For what it's worth in the
moment I'm sitting here thinking about my warrior woman, how
many years I resisted setting her free and held her within myself
to do battle with my Self. Decades! And Stars Above did she
want to get out! Oh I'd try to set her free now and then but
others pushed her back, those who I looked to for guidance in
my life. I'd be chastised for the assertiveness, for not acting
like a lady, for being disrespectful to others and I sat with
a lot of confusion about that working through things. I didn't
realize as a teen that's what was happening
but I felt her within me, times were different then though and
so were women's roles. Victorian thinking was all around me
and I come from a different era than you do so perhaps this
means nothing but I'll continue to share a bit here just in
case there's something that will help you.
I knew there was a warrior there within
me, it was unmistakable...and when she was stirring, whoa, did
I feel her. It just happened that when she did stir it was usually
a contrary trigger that set her off and I didn't have the skill
or life experience to find the balance at first. My nature is
not to fight, but I walk with Badger Medicine and today understand
why. Badger taught me about self-defense, territorial defense,
and the stories that battles hold. As the years unfolded it
seemed she had to come up through the layers and under many
different challenges because I'd repressed her so much
she's sooooooooo strong! Little by little those skills did develop.
I think often we have to learn by experience, it is a Master
Teacher, and in that it takes time. We learn through our mishaps,
carelessness, mistakes, the contrary sides of our nature when
we're learning by experience because we can't see the traits
any other way, if we could we wouldn't need the lessons life
teaches. So she matured with me, came into her poise and balance
with me, mirrored by life and through life experiences.
What I did discover was that she could
rise up quickly and often unexpectedly and if I didn't take
control on the spot things got real ugly. The control was also
so shaky initially that I became afraid of what could happen
if I let her loose. I saw the potential to harm and it scared
me, I didn't want to hurt others but messed up plenty of times
anyway and there are regrets that had to be processed. I can
cut off my nose to spite my face with the best of them...but...that's
how I learned that it was often best to withdraw and assess
things, enter the Silence, and wait for the answers to come.
Yes, sometimes I pray if need be, looking for the 'best' way
to conduct myself, the best solution, looking beyond just myself
to others that might be involved and what's best for them too.
I sought answers as to whether the trigger was really about
my involvement in the first place. I had a choice to enter the
battles or not
and a choice as to the actions I'd take.
I needed to know why I was taking them.
Do you know when I really got to know
her best? After all the wasted battles, useless spent energies,
and compromising positions I'd allowed to color my judgments,
when age started to creep into my world...the Solar Crone taught
me as much about her as life had and in the end it was really
just about doing the right thing and seeing 'whose issue' the
trigger really was. She taught me tolerance for others and for
myself, forgiveness for mistakes was part of that on both sides
too. We live and we learn. A major lesson involved the emotional
that's where things get out of control and bringing
them into balance calls for logic to be applied. Is the battle
(wherever it may present itself) worth the fight in the first
place? There was/still is a tremendous amount of inner work
and reflection that is involved whenever she needs to come forward
but many past experiences have also mapped the course I take
with that insight and why.
That's where I find the calm assertiveness,
it comes from the experiences of the past and understandings
they brought me to ("If I do this, then this will happen"),
and in understanding those things I came to know wisdom in when
to act or not or if something is truly mine to deal with. I
will not fight battles for others, I will fight with them at
their side when warranted though because I realize we all have
them to contend with on some level and sometimes we need a little
help. Being calm allows room for logic,
being assertive comes based on conviction and principles worth
standing up for. IMHO and in my thoughts of the moment that's
what I feel I can share. However
I'm not necessarily done
with this thread. ROFL I may be back. Just wanted to add what
was fleeting through my mind right now, I hope it helps you
Crow I love the show too!
And yup that's me.....angry warrior.....not yet calm, assertive
warrior. Love you!
Wynsong...not quite...calm, assertive
are not opposites in my mind....just something I haven't been
able to do simultaneously very often yet.
They go well together certainly....they are the best pair.
Calm...because what really matters? (unattached to other's reaction,
Assertive....because certain things do matter (to me).
Yes, there are some times I've done it...with certain difficult
I think those are moments when I can simultaneously love a person
and be unattached to them.
Who do I know who does this well? I'd say a certain hand belonging
to eagles that I know. She is nothing but calm, loving and utterly
polite......and somehow I know to never, ever mess with her.
laughs. Is that a reflection of me? Maybe. But I can't see it
yet. Thanks Cinnamon.~ I like what you said about triggers,
and thinking...'Whose issue is it?' Ahhh alas, it is nearly
always my issue... And I agree that sometimes that answer is
retreating to the Silence and praying...and yet I resist it
sometimes. When something has really triggered my 'fight', I
resist calm..... I am so like a dog...and am in training....learning
this behavior brings about this consequence....and finding how
to redirect the behavior to get a desired result. Half the time
what I want would be to be listened to. I imagine the best way
to get that would be to speak clearly. I expect I will have
many more years left to practice this. xox
expect so too.
your warrior woman - calm and assertive... I think I am beginning
to get a nice handle on this. Finally it has arrived after a
lifetime of either blowing up because I've held things in too
long or jumping in to protect and defend. I am calmly assertive
with ease now, and it is more a way of life for me than something
that I access. Oh sure I get excited, angry, frustrated and
all the other wonderful emotions, and I still act out at times.
But, those times are less and less with each passing moon. It
has taken a concentrated effort to do this; being mindful of
my intentions as I take each step and do each act. It has come
to me only with work and a lot of effort.
to intimidate people often with my assertiveness (not aggression,
but assertiveness) - of those who were intimidated, men thought
I was pushy and bitchy, women were outright intimidated and
acted out along the lines of their own fears. I still can intimidate,
but I'm learning when to use it and how strongly to use it.
Most of the time now, I don't feel a need to use assertiveness
at a strong elevated level. This is so even at work in my highly
confrontational profession. People seem to see me now as laid
back, professional and easy going. That is true to an extent,
of course. My clients put their trust in me. My opponents get
along with me unless they don't want to and then I don't want
to get along with them either.
that I am calm and assertive when I know going into something
what is important to me and what is not important. It all isn't
important. It never is. I learn what is important in a situation
by defining my place and my role in situations, and I do that
by looking back and being self-reflective on times where patterns
have repeated themselves. Specifically, what I mean is that
when I am in a situation that is causing some dissonance within
me, there are always common threads that I can find in past
situations, persons, or issues. I reflect on how I acted then,
the results of my actions (and others' actions) and whether
all of that was "okay" with me or not, and I reflect
on what I would do differently given the chance (the chance
of course is staring me in the face which is why I dove into
self-reflection). I sit in the Silence when I do this and I
use the Medicine Wheel as a tool to guide me along this exploration.
- and it is a process, kid you not - I tend to know what is
important to me, what is not important and how I want to try
handling myself in the situation. In the end, the result may
not be what I had hoped, but I am always pleased that I handled
things better, both within and without. It is through that process
that I have been able to find that calm assertiveness. Practicing
those steps is what has made the most visible impact for me.
We are all unique.
these questions that you are asking, you will find what works
best for you and I am confident that in the near future you
too will be feeling that calm assertiveness more often!
(((ES)))...thank you for
sharing your story and process! I celebrate your journey to
calm, assertiveness. A light went on for me today. back on the
topic of calm, assertive. I've sometimes had a bit of trouble
with people who do calm, assertive very well...and particularly
do 'closed' very well. And I figured out why. Boundaries. Sometimes,
I resent their boundaries. I try to be respectful of them, but
I'm resentful nonetheless. Why> Because I don't set myself
up the same boundaries. Mine are much more wide open. I like
that....people can talk to me, and others with similar welcomes
or lack of 'do not disturb' boundaries let me in their know
to talk with them. Being close is my favorite thing. Until it
causes me problems.
I remember having troubles saying
no to men when they tried to push my boundaries physically,
and I let them. I fought with it...but they still won. Sometimes,
I really need a boundary, and not ever really practicing this
well, I have anxiety over it as I try to invent something for
myself that I rarely use. I think I'm slightly jealous of those
who brush me off with their boundaries, or slightly insulted
that they don't deem me worth to be let in their circle. Because,
I am wide open and all are welcome. And then I'm resentful of
how exposed I feel naked next to them, who are fully covered,
even with turtlenecks. In truth, I have trouble liking these
people much. I don't want to stand in line for years waiting
for the VIP pass to see someone's inner concert. While I do
love this openness about me, I would like to set it up so I
have the option to open or close my boundary....so it is a choice.
Because it is a choice. I'm doing it in small ways already.
Setting limits to my availability, remembering a dream of the
circle I had and the guardian who defended it (He's a jolly
round Scotsman, but he also carries an axe), and remembering
the gentle ward off movements of Tai Chi. Boundaries can be
gently solid. Now this process is just becoming conscious. So
this is cool. xo
Warrior Woman shows up most often in defense/protection of those
I love. Occasionally she walks in my shoes for me. Not often,
but once in a blue moon. When I think of Warrior Women I think
of a couple of nurses I've known and....stay with me now....Eleanor
Roosevelt. Yeah. Calm-Assertive. Yup. Just thinking, which means
dismiss at will.
michelangelo2 - a few thoughts came to mind, and no need to
answer them - I just wanted to share them. These people with
boundaries: Is it boundaries or their dismissive nature toward
you? Is it boundaries or their lack or that their heart is closed?
Is it boundaries or that they aren't able to or don't want to
share of themselves with you? When we have not had time and
space to develop a relationship with someone, a friendship or
something deeper, the way people behave is about them and really
nothing to do with us - except that we were the person they
directed their behavior to. How we respond and feel is about
us. People like you described can get my blood boiling too,
not so often anymore, but there are still times I feel that
way. For me, I don't like to be dismissed, to discounted before
they even know me. I wonder how someone could make a decision
to not like me, to not let me in, when they don't even know
me. It hurts. At some point for me the light went on....they
don't know me so how can their actions be about who I am? I
am merely in their line of fire, someone they choose to act
know what you mean about the warrior women walking in your shoes
for you. It happens to me too sometimes, well, like the other
day it did come to think of it. I like it when it happens...she
kind of takes over and it sure is a wonderful thing!
interesting. And I don't know. I'm not sure I see the difference
between boundaries and those things you said... but I do get
that most often, none of it is personal.... just like my qualms
are not personal....not about the other person....they are about
me. I'm getting the hang of this very slowly...... I'm speaking
up more too....learning where it is okay to go wild angry warrior
(i.e. in my journals) and where it is better to do calm assertive
(anyplace I'd like someone to listen).
is all about finding the balance that works for us, for who
we are. Sounds like you are finding your comfort level and are
well on that path! Yeah! It gets easier as we go. I promise.
Oh good! You know, I've
never heard that before. Often it's the grumble 'It ain't getting
any easier kiddo, buck up!' laughs. So thanks! I had another
idea last night.... About the warrior.... Warrior doesn't mean
winning the fight. I'm kind of coming to terms with the fact
that even when I'm in a 'strong warrior state', I can still,
very often, 'lose the fight' as it were. Lately with doctors.
I've been trying to insist on the best medical care for my spouse,
and I go in with an 'I'm not leaving until you do such and such'
attitude....and I've been losing the battle. His case is 'too
complicated, too out-of-the-box'...they don't have time to care.
And it's been about 10 months now, and I think I'm defeated.
I believe I've been going into warrior with some belief of 'I
am invincible! I will win.'...which of course is nonsense...
Warrior is choosing the right battles....protecting my space
to the best of my ability if that is what's needed, AND accepting
defeat if it comes, with surrender. And the warrior is often
defeated...... But falls down 7 times, stands up 8. Maybe that
is the strength. Just more daydreams. Love, Cath
daydreams...exactly right. I was coming into this thread wondering
if anyone had mentioned that Warriors don't always win.
And you had written it. I think we maybe need to talk about
your spouses medical issues. I have to believe that your folks
would care enough to listen and guide. I love you... I love
the part of you that is warrior. Warriors become more adept
as they learn more skills...like every other way of being that
been giving your warrior a work out lately, it sounds like...so
she will be getting better and better at her craft. I don't
know if you remember my Warrior journey, when I stopped trying
to rescue everyone else, and fight their battles, but turned
my warrior inward to hold my own victim.
When I stopped trying
to rescue everyone else, and fight their battles, but turned
my warrior inward to hold my own victim.
...what truth there.....and I see
that now. And yes, there will be better care soon, I'm faithful.
I'm just done approaching it in a 'battle and need the victory
now' type way. xo
you said "Warrior is choosing the right battles....protecting
my space to the best of my ability if that is what's needed,
AND accepting defeat if it comes, with surrender. And the warrior
is often defeated...... But falls down 7 times, stands up 8.
Maybe that is the strength." Yes, AND
For me, it isn't
about being right or correct ("winning" in those contexts).
For me, it is about being true to what is important to me (even
when I'm disappointed in the end result). And, maybe that is
"winning." It all depends on one's perspective. I
often don't get to "choose" my battles, but what I
do get to do is always choose how I will BE in the battles.
For me, that is the essence of living my Warrior Woman as I
understand it at this stage of my life. It is a process, a path
I try to walk. I fall down a lot, and, yup, I get back up (eventually).
I am sad to hear about your husband. I didn't know he was ill
and that you are not happy with the time, attention and care
that he receiving. That is very frustrating and disconcerting.
There are many things outside of our control. But, the things
that matter most are within our control and those things are
all about how we choose to live our life. My thoughts and prayers
are with you.
hear you ES........our
way of being, our choices.......good points...... Every blessing~
(And he's not my husband, we just 'live in sin'.) *laughsI Thank
you for your caring. Much appreciated. My mum is also being
Warrior is choosing
the right battles....protecting my space to the best of my ability
if that is what's needed, AND accepting defeat if it comes,
with surrender. And the warrior is often defeated...... But
falls down 7 times, stands up 8. Maybe that is the strength.
This IS a true Warrioress speaking
Truth. *Warm smile* Seems the answer was in the question. Do
not stop being yourself or striving for your goals. You'll find
the right doctor that will do the right thing, you just have
to keep going. The battle for your partner is worth fighting.
It sure is, Cinn...and
the journey continues....flows.... this Warrior talk, and a
bunch of not fun things that happened last week led into my
next level of unraveling.... (This is how I've written it from
my journal....a place where the 'yous' are directed at no one,
just to be clear) When things get crappy, I tend to read really
good books.... I picked up Oriah Mountain Dreamer's the Invitation.
I've read it many times by now... and each next time, it always
feels that it is the first time. As life continues to surprise,
I continue to readjust to the new 'center' of what is, now.
Oriah said it better than I ever could have realized..... From
a very young age I (and she) have always felt a sort of desire
and responsibility to alleviate another's pain/sorrow/disappointments/heartache.
Even as a young child, when my parents were fighting, or my
sisters were hurting, etc...I always wanted to help and believed
I could. This has the appearance of being me just being kind.
And there is that. But...there is so much out of my control,
which I've tried to control. There are hidden messages....
One is, I don't believe you can handle
your pain. I don't have confidence in you to handle your pain,
but somehow, I believe I can help.
The second is, Not only do I hope
to alleviate your pain, but I am dis-comfortable with your pain,
and dis-comfortable with my own.
What a no brainer....pain is discomforting.
Ahhh....but it doesn't have to be. I don't have to 'feel the
pain of feeling the pain'....I can simply feel the pain. I can
sit in my pain....and ONLY then....can I allow your pain....and
ONLY then, when each of us as we are- with or without pains-
is allowed to be, can I also sit in a level of compassion and
beauty... A level which is greater than life's betrayals or
life's trophies, which is deeper than whatever is going on right
now, ....which simply is. And I am sorry, for all those souls
in pain who I didn't have confidence in to be 'okay', including
myself. I remember being in pain before and believing 'There's
no way I can get through this.' But I did. And so have you.
I see my beliefs have been flawed. Ask, and I'll try to help
you...but I may not be able to. Likely, you are most able to
help yourself. If I can help me, I will help me. If I need assistance,
I will ask for it. But if you do not ask, and I have already
done everything I can do to help me, then I will sit with things
as they are. And surrender to sitting with the beauty that seems
ugly. And surrender my need to control your outcomes. In my
attempts to control your level of suffering, I have forgotten
my responsibility to tend/be with/accept/etc. my own heartache,
and my own pain. ~~Sitting with~~
That is beautiful! What
a wonderful discovery you've made about yourself and life. It's
so true! And remember, there's nothing wrong at all with being
a Giver by nature and heart. It's what makes the world turn
IMHO, but to be a Giver in the 'right' manner we need to understand
how to give and you've expressed that so well, be it pain or
any other issue, we need to be able to discern who can help
themselves and who needs our help as they strive to do it...and
who doesn't. *Soft smile* That's the strong but tender warrioress
who holds that in her awareness.
takes a lot of courage and strength and fortitude to acknowledge
and put into words what you did. Warrior, a resilient warrior,
embodied. I believe so.
What a beauty full journey. Knowing you are, makes me smile.
Thank you ladies.
Earlier in this thread, Wynsong said:
In the more peace filled version of being a warrior within,
I would think that facing all the parts of who we are, that
we really wish we didn't have to be, and acknowledging them,
and living with them, and accepting their gifts, and dealing
with the aspects of them we aren't so keen to know.
and that exactly sums up the view
I have of the Warrior Woman: the view I was given by both my
grandmothers of the Warrior Woman that I spoke of early
in the other thread. My grandmothers never complained by all
accounts: they just got on with it and made the best of what
they had. As Wynsong goes on to say this would apply to both
and dealing with the aspects
of them we aren't so keen to know or have seen...may be the
act of the inner warrior, regardless of sex.
the "have seen" aspect here
speaks to me of bringing those inner aspects we can't admit
to out into the world and this section to me is the masculine
aspect of the Warrior Woman. Whether its a male
soldier accepting their lot in having to kill, or a the potential
worries of a mother struggling to put food on the table for
her kids, I would say it is the Inner feminine aspect as Warrior
that gives us the strength to do what has to be done to gets
us through and helps us cope on an internal level and carry
on bringing forward the Creation in whatever form it is needed
for our survival. The actual act of killing a soldier performs
or the mother stating her case at a social security office,
or with a drunk husband who is spending all their money on beer,
is outside the self, out in the world, and is therefore of the
masculine, regardless of sex as Wynsong points out. The feminine
brings Within, the masculine brings Without. Both play their
part in the Creation. Now it may not seem that a soldier killing
is a Creative act, but dissolution and death is part of the
cycle of Life. The aftermath and result of the women's Suffrage
movement has done women and our western societies a great deal
of damage The feminine was undervalued and has now become largely
forgotten to the extent that most women do not even know how
to use it, let alone men! In the UK today the value of nurturer,
and of Mother, both spiritually and physically has been totally
undermined.by a political class determined to increase production
at all costs. I am sure that the UK is not alone in this. A
stay at home mum is now made to feel inadequate: as if she is
not fulfilling her potential in some way: when, in her role
as nurturer, she fulfills the most important job in our society:
rearing the next generation. Now whether that role is fulfilled
by a man or a woman is unimportant: but in most western households
in the UK today both parents work and that nurturance is not
being given to the next generation: and then people ask why
our teenagers are out of their faces on alcohol and drugs and
acting in anti-social ways out on our streets: why gang culture
has become so prevalent in our societies.. Now, women are not
to blame for the state of our societies, but they are to blame
for allowing the notion of the feminine as Nurturer to be undervalued
to the extent it has been. To me the masculine aspect of the
Warrior Woman: the aspect that goes Without: that fights for
right to that Nurturance has be used not to nurture the Whole
and ourselves as part of that Whole, but to nurture the self
in the "me, me, me," "more, more, more,"
western society we have created as a result.
In the 20th Century Suffrage women dressed as men to have their
voice heard and lived the Warrior Woman as men. Perhaps in the
21st Century they will Live the Warrior Woman as women. So if
want to talk about "living the Warrior Women," it
strikes me what we are really talking about is finding the Warrior
Feminine and living that: finding that nurturing creative power
Within and using it to sustain the self Without. Most of us
today, whether men or women, do the opposite: we seek that nurturance
outside the Self in the mundane world of "having"
as opposed to "Being". We know there is something
missing in our lives and search for it Without whether that
is in consumer durables, high-powered jobs etc., etc., etc.,
creating a selfish nurturing of self as opposed to the altruistic
ideals of Self that nurture the Whole and ourself as part of
that Whole. Oh we kid ourselves that we are nurturing the Whole
by giving to charity, doing voluntary work etc., etc.: but would
you give up your income to truly give of yourself? Would you
give up your income to nurture your Self? I had no choice with
the way construction collapsed, both here in the UK and in the
UAE, but what I found in the intervening year is something far
more valuable. Despite having given up two years worth
of income I never went without anything. I had a few scary moments
when I came close to reaching the bottom of the savings barrel,
but Spirit came through with enough work to replenish my funds
in those moments Was it luck that in the two years before the
crash I had finally learnt to save? Perhaps not. I've been at
SL for maybe 6 years but for the most part I was working long
hours in that time and didn't have time to really sit and ponder
these questions. I knew I wasn't happy, but could not place
why in that time. The superficial moments that my earnings allowed
brought temporary happiness but that did not last Two years
with very little work and a massive decrease in disposal income,
has focused my mind on what is important in my life and what
brings happiness. The fact that more and more people are waking
up to their spiritual nature and the role of Nurturing is, to
me, all part of the Remembering.
going to take exception to this quote.
women are not to blame for the state of our societies, but they
are to blame for allowing the notion of the feminine as Nurturer
to be undervalued to the extent it has been. Which may
seem unfair to pull this one quote out of such a long and clearly
thoughtful post, but it derailed my reading, and my state of
mind...and when I'm more ready to deal with that statement,
outside of the interesting twist my family life is taking today...then
I will address the entire piece.
So this isn't about your post DragonHawk, at least not in answer...
It is about the ANGER that that one little quote is unlocking
in me. NOT the fiery transformative ANGER I am comfortable with...the
kind that I use as a tool to move from intolerable to change...
This is about the FROZEN ANGER that I've been holding my whole
life...maybe generations of lives...maybe generations of familial
life... THIS IS ABOUT being unable to confront an ANGER that
I cannot even describe yet. WOMEN ARE TO BLAME FOR THE LOSS
OF THE VALUE OF NURTURER....?????? THE LOSS OF VALUE IN NURTURER
IS WHAT THE SUFFRAGETTES FOUGHT AGAINST! in my humble opinion.
THE focus of societies and some will argue Masculine based,
had all but made WOMEN NON PERSONS! THE SUFFRAGETTES FOUGHT
TO GIVE WOMEN STATUS AS PEOPLE AND NOT CHATTEL! THEY FOUGHT
IN MEN'S GARB??????...funny I don't remember those images as
being women in men's clothing... THAT BATTLE (and by your definition
OUTWARD- therefore Masculine in nature) when women dressed like
men, was fought in the 70's, with our three piece suits, and
pant suits and ties.... The first time I remember women being
seen in public in male type clothing, was during the wars, when
women took on the jobs that there were no longer enough men
to do...the Male's role within society, as the men had gone
off to war.
beginning of the feminist movement might be linked to that event...similar
to the experience of native and men of color, who during the
crisis were allowed to be seen as full members of the society,
and then during peace, had to deal with a white masculine based
power that wanted to force them back into a box that was now
just too damned small to hold people. Anyway ...that isn't where
I want to go in this post. Anyway...the key here isn't an argument.
The key here is me saying thank you for putting me in touch
with the ANGER I keep FROZEN. The anger I've been trying to
locate, so I could explore it. YOU put the X on it. Thanks.
That is a good journey,
Wynsong.....the aspects of you locked up........... If I wasn't
so tired, that response from Dragonhawk would have also tickled
my own anger. Just to explain my thought DH...it would be because
it simply blindsided how personal this post was....being that
is full of personal experiences I am having, including everything
I am feeling, living, embodying, being....and you dodged all
that and took it to a philosophical, intellectual, theoretical
level....ignoring my whole journey. To your credit, your opinion
is totally fair because that's how the thread began....more
philosophical....and being philosophical is grand and normally
I'd chime in. I'm just saying, if I had the energy to care right
now, your response would have made me feel completely
invisible. And while I don't particularly need everyone to 'see'
me, when I do pour my heart out, it sucks being invisible. And
I too have to thank you, because normally I'd play 'just let
it roll off the shoulder', and you have given me an opportunity
to speak my truth..... and it is from a loving heart that I
Some personal wandering thoughts about "blame" as
Time equates to
choice and in the now we choose to be.
What do we choose
to be? I believe we are each responsible for our choice; therein
I don't find anger in the statement "Now, women are not
to blame for the state of our societies, but they are to blame
for allowing the notion of the feminine as Nurturer to be undervalued
to the extent it has been ". If there is concern or anger
about the statement then I think an inward exploration to discover
what choices we have made that goes against our nature maybe
appropriate. Where have we given away personal responsibility
to others yielding dependency might be another appropriate question?
as do individuals. As an example, as women have entered the
workforce and climbed the corporate ladders they have most often
chosen to emphasize the masculine nature rather that the female
nurturer of the warrior. This is often the expectation of the
work environment. Still it must be recognized as a choice. Therein,
I do believe that we are often to blame for allowing the feminine
as nurturer to be undervalued?
This choice is
most easily observed in the choice we each make between financial
gain and or the lack there of. How often do we defend our choice
by saying we have no choice. Yet the reality is we choose every
second of every day. How often do women bring the nurturer to
work? How often do we indicate that I see from a different perspective
when it is dictated that more needs to be done with less? How
often have we allowed ourselves to be culturally conditioned
by corporate environment and / or accepted the manipulation
of people, as taught in the management courses, as the correct
path forward? How often have we publically denounced this direction?
If we have not, then we have chosen one path. Aren't we "to
blame" for our choices. Haven't we chosen to give up the
nurturer to the cultural norm of manipulation and /or disrespect
for the individuals?
Still we need
to examine the word by removing emotional responses. The word
blame suggests judgment; an observation of a choice made in
the past. In actuality, isn't the word a trigger to invoke nonjudgmental
exploration of the past, to yield a response, possible more
responsible choice, in the now. Doesn't this exploration in
turn make us aware of personal responsibilities and help us
recognize when we choose to keep responsibility and /or when
we choose to give it to another. Aren't we each responsible
for and want to be responsible for the choices we make? Admittedly,
we can shrug off personal blame and place it on culture by choosing
instead to be a victim of circumstance. Yet isn't this too,
a choice which we are to blame for? Aren't we truly responsible
for the balance between the masculine and female that we choose
to maintain in life no matter what cultural conditioning fosters?
Doesn't freedom (peace) comes from recognizing the
balance in responsibilities, recognizing choice through blame
(examination of action through the window of the past), and
moving forward again in choice?
The future is
ours to create and I hope we are to blame for our choices; recognition
of blame is our path forward both as individuals and culturally.
left a quote on my journal today... It seems appropriate given
your response Earthwalker...although it is not necessarily directed
at you... "Who said anything about fault, I said I was
going to blame you." Blame is, in my mind a way to misdirect
self-anger. Anger at self for choices made. There is no blame
for me, in the statement above. There is anger in me, when someone
misdirects their anger in my direction, or blames me by something
as random as a gender based allegation.
no excuses for my choices, and all choices around the topic
stated were made consciously by me. I stayed home and raised
my four sons, my ex-husband and his mother. I am a nurturer
at work. I sacrificed a lot of my personal ability to be financially
comfortable (not even well off) for those choices, and I have
not one regret...AND I will not now or ever again possibly play
nice, when someone makes a sweeping statement that whisks me
up in its shortsightedness. Society...the consensual illusion
of society...loves to affix blame, it rarely looks at fault,
or as law would look at it, the balance of fault.
most often unconscious of their ability to make personal choices
around things, then latch on to societal illusions to give consent
to how they choose to behave...."You have to just accept
that this is reality", "Take off your rose colored
glasses....", "It was how I was brought up."
I agree the now and the future are ours to create, in this moment.
I would like it, if everyone I met behaved that way, and it
has not been my experience. This thread was very much about
personal experience... Maybe we (SL community) could choose
to move a more philosophical discussion to a separate thread...as
those of us twigged by the need to find and be comfortable with
our warrior nature, and those that wish to discuss theory around
it...may not be able to agree to disagree calmly... (regardless
as MichElAngelO stated quite well, it often feels like one who
has just opened up their heart, is being dismissed when their
comments, are lost in a theoretical discussion. It may not be
real in the mind of the poster, but clearly it is real in the
mind of the person who feels swept aside...and while I hold
no one response able for my feelings...I do recognize my personal
stuff around being invisible in MichElAngelO's statement. I
own that, and it feels real for me...and clearly for others.
personal thoughts. Please note I didn't mean to intrude on your
To me depersonalizing
or moving toward the more theoretical is done to protect not
to hurt. It allows a broader discussion from which an individual
can appropriately choose and integrate that which is appropriate,
if appropriate at all. It's intention is respect and seems more
appropriate in a forum like this where we don't truly know each
In terms of being dismissed,
it is something most people and I have felt at times. Recognition
of this personal need for recognition has lead me to question
myself. I have questioned myself. So what if they have dismissed
me? Why do I need that recognition and why can't I just let
the person be who they are? Often I have stated a different
perspective and simply continue to choose to live my way. Why
isn't that action enough? Why can't I respect the other person
enough to let them choose their own way even if that choice
is dismissal? The exception to this is when I am personally
being impacted at which time the warrior (male) comes to the
I have further question
why? Why do I need expect to be listened to? Doesn't the person
have the right to dismiss me? Their dismissal has for the most
part has no impact on me. I have chosen to act, they have chosen
to act and we each live with the consequences of personal actions.
Where have these expectation come from. Do they need to be reevaluated?
I conclude that this apparent need for recognition or inclusion
is truly irrelevant and I simply tell myself to get over it
or make a change. Therein, I can choose to walk in respect both
for the other and myself. Isn't it enough to send out a seed
for thought; a thought that can influence a future decision
even while being dismissed in the now. For me it simply is.
As for broad statements
triggering a reaction, I carefully choose my battles since they
aren't meant to be taken personally. How often do we write to
senators etc. to state an opinion. It is most often dismissed
with a blanket statement and a request for donation. Nevertheless,
the seed is there. For me, it is enough. Action comes later
and if its through another that's okay too. If I truly
want the change to occur I recognize that the source doesn't
matter. Recognition is nice but I personally do not feel it
is a need. The need for me is to highlight through statement
my perspective and continue to follow the path I choose through
responsible action. I choose to let others have the right of
personal choice and also the obligation to live with the consequence
of their actions. It could be construed as a middle road but
it works for me.
Take care and enjoy
the personal journey.
believe these are good questions being asked all around. These
conversations are extremely difficult, because we are not intimate
with one another and therefore do not really understand the
paths each of us has walked. Therefore, it is easy rise the
ire of another during the sharing of personal perspectives and
approaches that work for some yet do not work for others. There
is a time and place for theoretical discussions and there is
a time and place for the hands-on discovering, acknowledging,
and growing within through our emotions, senses, and thoughts.
Generally, when theoretical discussion is interspersed in the
rough and tumble world of sensual discussions, conversations
and discovery tends to come to halt. For what it is worth, I
to highlight that while planting seeds is a good thing how they
are planted impacts the quality of that which grows from the
answered, The board decided to upgrade or whatever and I had
not backed up my answer. I'm not going there again...as what
I have to say, more appropriately belongs in the thread FROZEN
ANGER, so that is where I'll take it. Thanks to all whose responses
have moved me in my journey.
I am running through this evening, but I wanted to say something
on this now. Yeh blame was probably a bad word to use. Can't
think of a better word off the top of my head for what I was
trying to say, but yeh that was a bad word
What I was trying
to get at was the notion that woman generally have not valued
their innate attributes within themselves: in which case who
else is going to value it for them? In not valuing it they have
forgotten how to use it. Throughout this and the other thread
on the subject, there seemed to be something missing to me:
the interplay between the masculine and the feminine Within
each of us. The Suffragettes used masculine means and, because
they were apparently successful, women have been using those
masculine means ever since to achieve ends: but it isn't authentic:
it can't be authentic for a women to act as a man.
The Dress Reform movement
goes way back into the 1800's: the first example often referred
to in the States was a woman called
The point about the
Suffragettes (as opposed to the earlier Suffragists who did
seek to uphold their feminine nature) is that they used masculine
means and in doing so allowed themselves to be used by commercial
interests: early consumerist propaganda was almost entirely
aimed at women: the London department store Selfidges walking
hand in hand with the Suffragettes and providing funding for
them: in whose interests? Women's? No, it was in the interests
of the store: its founder Harry Selfridge having quickly realizing
the spending power that would be unleashed by the Suffragette
movement and how, with a degree of control (in London) over
editorial in papers like the Daily Mail and the Daily Express
the department store's advertising revenue enabled, control
over a newly democratized portion of the community: a level
of control that could extend to the political process itself
if women got the vote. That control has not been taken back.
Next time you watch TV, read a newspaper to look at ads on the
net, just look at how much the content at those ads are aimed
at women regardless of the product, and how many of those ads
are specifically aimed at women. The reason I mentioned this
generation's grandmother's not being inculcated in this situation
is that they were brought up in the era before the mass-media
of the newspaper barons and particularly TV advertising. Their
generation still stood by what we here might call the power
of Women's Medicine. So when you say the following: Those
most often unconscious of their ability to make personal
choices around things,
then latch on to societal illusions to give consent to how they
choose to behave....
To me you are speaking
of how women have fallen into the advertiser's claws. Look at
the size zero model debate: women have a personal choice to
ignore the debate, but instead they choose to perpetuate the
societal illusion that skinny is beautiful. That such a debate
should even be going on: is women giving their consent to that
behavior: if women really wanted to stop it happening they would
simply, enmass, stop buying the clothes: it is women who choose
to perpetuate the illusion and give consent to the behaviors
both of the women who buy the clothes and the designer to carry
on designing clothes that flatter that size and shape (or lack
thereof) of woman. Can you imagine if, in a native tribe of
any culture, but taking the NA as an example one woman went
against the female group: against the elders of that group?
Yet this is what women today do all the time: or there would
not be a size zero debate. It started (at least in Britain)
in 1905 at the Manchester Free Trade Hall when Cristobel Pankhurst
slapped a policeman's face and got herself arrested: going one
step further than the group had done to get herself noticed:
exact same thing as the women who wear size zero dresses. Prior
to that women had been united in the cause of Suffrage along
the lines of Suffragists, but the moment that more aggressive
more militant element came forward, and there are pictures of
(Crisobel Pankhurst and one of her associates in male dress)
it set a path towards the movement being split and allowed it
to be high-jacked by the consumer lobby Conveniently history
forgets earlier UK Suffragists, such as Lydia Becker, who came
from my home town and who was working in the women's right movement
in Manchester from the 1860's and names Christobel's mother,
Emmeline Pankhurst, as the founder of the Suffragist movement,
quietly also side-lining Christobel, so that on the surface,
the Suffrage movement was led by a Suffragist, not by the more
excitable militant elements that played right into the establishment's
hands in creating the consumer model. I don't know the names
of leaders in the American Suffrage movement in the 1800's:
so I wonder if names like Ammelia Bloomer and Mary Walker figure
highly: both of them were very early reformers (including Dress
reformers: Walker arrested numerous times for "impersonating
a man") and Women's Rights activists in the mid 1800's.
I admit I did not
read every post you have made here: but I did read a few and
your first post were asking how to be assertive and calm, which
is something I had lessons in in the UAE I am sorry you feel
I dismissed you: there was no intention to do so on my part.
I do feel that we have a choice to feel how we feel and that
that choice it is our own: I have no control over how you choose
to feel so, whilst I can understand that you are telling me
you feel dismissed, I cannot take responsibility for your feeling
so, particularly as there was no intention on my part to so
dismiss you. I think Earthwalker provided a very good explanation
of why I looked at things from a more philosophical level, so
I am not going to comment further on that point
Just to explain
my thought DH...it would be because it simply blindsided how
personal this post was....being that is full of personal experiences
I am having, including everything I am. Feeling, living, embodying,
being....and you dodged all that and ....ignoring my whole journey.
I believe that we
are a result of our conditioning: so far from dodging your journey
(or anyone elses who has commented on this thread) I was
actually trying to take it a few stages back. For most of us,
the influences we recognize will stretch only as far back as
our grandparents. I look at my mum and sister and I consider
discussions I have had with my mother about her relationship
with her mother. I speak to other members of my mother's family
who confirm what my mother has spoken about regarding her mother.
My mother is anything but calm and anything but assertive, but
her mother was the exact opposite. My sister, though very much
calmer in general is very much like my mother when difficult
circumstances arise. So I questioned why my grandmother was
calm and assertive and why my mother and sister were the opposite.
You asked what we have learnt about calm and assertiveness.
I shared what I had learnt about those words in my own Journey.
To me in order to be calm we must be authentic. When
we are coming from out true Self we can remain calm in any circumstance:
the UAE taught me that, both through upright and contrary lessons.
To me that is a inner-world thing: a feminine aspect of self.
The same applies to the word assertive. Though actually I believe
that that word is a misnomer, as it implies a wish to overtly
influence another to our point of view, in a manner that actually
detracts from what we are trying to achieve i.e. having our
I believe that when
we state our case calmly we do so in what others call an assertive
manner because, coming from an authentic perspective, we recognize
that whether the other person can accept our truth is of no
real importance: we have stated our case and spoken our truth
and that is what is important. If another decides not to accept
our truth, that is their prerogative. "Assertive"
to me implies a notion of desiring another person to accept
our truth as their own which may not be authentic to them. Thus
we may fail and if we allow that failure to produce affects
in us, we are lining ourselves up for a fall in my opinion.
But more importantly to me it is confrontational: even the sound
of it on your lips has the effect of quite a negative "stabbing"
sort of energy. I did a quick Word thesaurus check on the word
and apart from terms related to confident and self-assured the
other words associated with it were all words we would perceive
as quite negative in the sense of trying to get our point of
view across: forward, pushy, aggressive. Forceful, one of the
other words is more neutral but can have negative connotations.
In my experience in business or in general discussions we are
rarely successful when we are forward, pushy or aggressive.
I would much prefer words such as confident or self-assured
as a word to describe our attempts to put our point of view
across. Assertive and confident/self-assured to me are masculine
forces: something is emanating from Within. Assertive to me
would be to bring forward the truth of self, a contrary action:
whereas confidence would be to bring it forward from our Self:
and upright action.
Lydia Berker is remembered
for having got the vote for many thousands of women in Manchester
in the third and fourth quarters of 1800's: long before 1928
when the law was passed that officially gave women the vote
(though some women: those Lydia Barker had campaigned for widows
and unmarried property owners got the vote in 1918). To me she
was confident. Crystobel Pankhurst is remembered for slapping
(or spitting in the face of) a policemen (dependent on which
report you read). The former simply went about her business
and achieved here aims. The latter to me was assertive She achieved
nothing other than her own notoriety. She is however noted for
having got the Suffrage movement into the newspapers for the
first time, which to me sounds strange given that the movement
had had its own daily newspaper: now one of countries most popular
daily tabloid newspapers, "The Mirror". The Daily
Mirror as it was then called started life as a woman's paper
run by women for women in November 1903. At first it had copy
in excess of 200,000, but by Spring of 1904 it was down to only
25,000 and the female journalists were sacked and the paper
rebranded as a paper for men and women. Now they say that all
publicity is good publicity, but it was with Pankhurst's arrest
that the main newspapers took an interest in the movement and
advertisers started to see the potential in all those wealthy
middle-class women with time on their hands: and the British
consumer age took its first tottering steps. Enter the fray
a man named Harry Selfridge in 1909 and the age began in earnest.
What I learnt from my investigation into my mother's lack of
calm or "assertiveness" is that we are not simply
the product of our own lives and experiences: we are the product
of all those generation who have gone before us who impact the
next generation. Something had changed between my grandmother
and mother's generation. There were indicators in my family,
but not large enough ones to explain the difference. So i started
to look outside the family. My mother was raised in rural Ireland.
The aunt and uncle I stay with when I go to Ireland live in
the house my mother was raised in: and even today the pace of
life there is so slow that it is as if it is caught up in a
time warp, despite the fact it is less than an hour from Dublin.
My mother moved to England when she was twenty years old: from
a rural backwater to a large town on the edge of a major city.
My granddad suffered from epilepsy very badly, so couldn't work.
With 15 kids to feed, their smallholding that sold the produce,
both ran by my grandmother, was their only real source of income.
They werent exactly poor, far from it (they were the first
in the area to get electricity!), but I don't think there was
much room for non-essentials: nor any place to buy them.
My mother moved to
England, and although, as a trainee nurse, she wouldn't have
had a great deal of money, there was money for non-essentials:
and the opportunity to buy them. My sister has a good job and
has more than ample funds for non-essentials. Both are heavily
influenced by advertising; something my grandmother probably
rarely saw. Even today the local paper where my aunt and uncle
live, and my mother was brought up, is not full of advertisements
the way our local papers are. My aunt and uncle don't get a
tirade of junk mail and flyers coming through the doors the
way I do, but I digress: the point is my grandmother was not
subjected to advertising and my mum and sister were.
In England, the turn
of the twentieth century, when my grandmother was born, marked
a sea-change in US and UK social history as a result of the
rise of the middle class in the 1800's and its massive expansion
in the early 1900's. It's effects would have been slow to filter
down to the working class, but as Wynsong points out by the
end of the second
world war a lot had changed, in our neck of the woods partly
as a result of the "Yanks" stationed here during the
war. Selfridges and the London consumer boom was already in
decline in the 50's ,when my mother arrived in England, but
in our neck of the woods it was the Yanks who brought notions
of consumer durables during WWII, and the austerity years in
Britain after the war, increased desire to have them once better
conditions prevailed in the 1960's. So I began to wonder what
had created that consumer boom further back and watched a series
on TV about the social history of 20th century Britain, which
first brought my attention to the Suffrage movement, given that
one of its early protagonists came from my town.
It also spoke of how
one man, Harry Selfridge, an American, was marked out as pretty
much importing, and single-handedly responsible for, the consumer-age
in Britain at the turn of the twentieth century, using advertising
in a manner not seen before: but in the store itself, by of
all things the innovation of a ladies toilet in his London department
store: the first store to have such a convenience: there was
no men's toilet at that time, just ladies': the point being
that if the women did not have to cease their shopping expeditions
to return home to use the toilet, they would stay out shopping
longer. Men did not shop they were either working or at their
Selfridge was an innovator,
so he not only invented conveniences in department stores, but
this one innovation, his associations with the Suffrage movement
and his the impact his reliance on advertising had on newspaper
editorial are noted as cornerstones of his success. One
of the places Selftidge used to advertise was the Suffrage magazines
and such advertising helped them immensely in their struggle:
without Selfridge there might not have been a Suffrage movement
in Britain: or at least it might have taken them a lot longer
to achieve their aims. It must have paid for itself in terms
of sales or Selfridge would not have continued advertising:
Selfridge was too shrewd to pay out money blindly.
This is the inheritance
woman have today: the unwitting chief protagonists of a consumer
boom based on advertising that leaves women today with all sorts
of insecurities that play into familial insecurities going back
into the pre-advertising era. Maybe it is because the feminine
takes Within and the masculine brings Without and Harry Selfridge
and other such early advertiser's instinctively knew and used
this to their advantage? Wherever a scene was set that has continued
to this day: in fact is rampant in our era. In the 20th century,
nurturance was perceived as something that could be bought,
rather than something that lies Within. Without Nurturing ourself
we cannot find out True Self our authentic Self . That authentic
Self is confident and it does not need to be assertive: it's
power comes from it's authenticity not from the hyped-up "pushy"
"forward" or "aggressive" notions of assertiveness.
Sometimes intention doesn't
matter. Whether you forgot to check your rear view mirror before
you backed up or whether you drive right into it forwards....
the car was hit. Now I have had time to sleep on it, I see it
was my car.
You hit my car, so to speak. When
people hit cars, they can say why they didn't hit your car,
they can explain that it is Your Choice whether or not your
car got hit, they can go on about how they simply forgot to
check their mirrors, or they can apologize. While you've done
the second and third of these, you've also done the fourth.
And thank you, and I accept your apology. Lovingly. All I can
do in these situations is say 'my car got hit.' Is it a big
deal in a couple days? no. am I being dramatic? no. if I were,
I could not do this from such a loving space. am I justified?
doesn't matter. I'd just like to add a couple things.
First, DragonHawk...,,.THANK YOU.....
most people, when they are told that something they've done
has mistakenly hurt someone....they run away....and that doesn't
help. You have stayed. That means a lot to me. And it shows
that truly you are your own strong and LOVING warrior. Thanks.
And...I want to say I understand where you are coming from.
And I understand your intentions. I get it. And...I want to
say I do own my own hurt. I am a total MESS right now. and that's
my issue. my crap. not because of this thread but because of
a lot of other crap going on. This puts me in a position to
be easily hurt. And I own that I am in that position. And I
own my own role in this. Though I will say, even if I wasn't
in this sensitive position, I think I still would have been
hurt. And when I am ready to stop being in an illogical spiral
of hurt....I will take the next journey that called....'why
does it bother me to be emotionally invisible?' And I also want
to thank you for eventually getting personal....and talking
about your own experiences. And lastly.....assertive is not
aggression. Assertive is saying simply No. It is saying simply
Stop. It is saying simply a preference or a feeling, and owning
it. It is not violent, and it is not intended to inflict hurt.
Oh this is spiraling now into growth
at great speeds..... Do I have an aggression problem?....yes.
guilty. I've been forceful and pushy with doctors and demanding
they listen to me....and while it has come from a place of loving
my spouse and being pissed off at all the shortfalls of the
medical system....aggression it is NOT working for me....and
hence the journey. I've tried to do calm, assertive from a loving
heart with you DragonHawk. Hopefully you can feel the difference.
Am I depressed....yes! Can I be happy
and joyful with life, as it is.....despite all the CRAP? I sure
hope so. This is a very un-pretty road to be on, but by golly,
I'm doing it. Love, a rather ungraceful, Cath
And there it is! STANDING in crap,
and choosing life. STANDING in crap, and choosing love, still.
STANDING in all that I cannot control, all that I do not know,
all the sucks and hurts and is painful and embarrassing STANDING
in it. AND CHOOSING LIFE! Letting my heart SWELL....deeper than
my pain. Deeper than anything. Letting my heart swell even in
the crap. Dear Lord, I am NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS. But I am standing.
Standing with my swollen heart.
Dragonhawk....I seem to have used
you as a catalyst for my own journey in a way that was probably
not particularly pleasant for you. I am truly sorry about that.
And though you might not have signed up for the role, you have
given a great gift. I haven't been reading other threads so
maybe someone has already come to this in someplace else. Love,
a wacky, imperfect and growing Cath
forgot beauty full, And Love full, and a whole bunch of other
stuff that also describes you. Love holding space for you and
your journeys. Munay
M2, I have
been in the pub tonight (village quiz night!) so I am not going
to say too much right now. We have known each other at another
site: though not on a personal basis: but we know "of"
each other so to speak and I hope you know that there was no
intention to hurt you.
One thing I will never
do is shy away from a discussion: I will always speak my truth.
I didn't get personal in first instance as I know very few men
who would speak of the word "assertive": it's just
not a word men use, so I could not comment from that perspective.
What I could do is comment from the perspective of observing
women who have crossed my path and how, as an outsider looking
in so to speak, I have witnessed (in the 43 years I have been
on this planet) the way women interact with each other and the
way the interact with the world outside i.e. the mundane: and
with very few exceptions the way they thwart themselves. I am
speaking here particularly about my mother, but the more I looked
around at female friends and at other women in my environment
(such as the next door neighbors I had so many problems with)
I saw a pattern immerging.
You could actually
say that my mother is very assertive (in the terms the word
is commonly used, but not in the way I would use it) : you could
say that the wife in the house next door was very assertive
(I say "was" as they are now divorced and she no longer
lives there): you could say that one of my best friends from
my late teen/early twenties (who now lives in California) was
very assertive: my friend who runs the employment business that
I used to work through was extremely assertive in the sense
that word is ordinarily used: but all these women are desperately
unhappy. All have created a life for themselves that they commanded:
but that, with the exception of my pal in California (who I
would imagine is the least unhappy of the four), their choices
were almost made for them: and they have been battling those
choices ever since.
I looked back and
tried to find the common factor: yes, there were family issues
in each case, but what brought forward the perspective that
gave them: a group of women from very, very different backgrounds,
similar perspectives: it had to be a conditioning thing that
went beyond familial backgrounds. I've gone way back in history
in my father's family line, and found various events that affected
my father's family. I have gone back almost a couple of hundred
years in my mother's. I have researched the social history that
both of my family lines have lived through: and with the exception
of the potato famine in Ireland in my mum's side and the religious
and civil wars of the 1500's and 1600's in my dad's side: both
of which felt too far back in history to still be affecting
The only significant
events were those of the social changes of the 20th century:
as outlined above. We can agree to disagree on the word "assertive"
but I would say that to say I hit your car feels, to me, a little....can't
think of the word off the top of my head, but personally I would
say that I was simply driving my car: I wasn't bumping into
anything: it was you who was bumped into if that distinction
make sense? Like I said, this is just a quick post so if it
is a bit "on the hoof" so be it
Wynsong...I suppose I did
forget that. Dragonhawk....again....thank you for staying. That
is really kind, and I will say that if the situation was reversed,
I'm not sure I would be able to be that kind. So thanks. And
yes you're right that you were just driving your car.......living
your life.......and somehow my car got hit......and however
it happened, it was simply a car accident. Yes, those are better
word choices. I hope that feels a bit better for you. And I'm
good with it all now. And I
will say, that while this is in the sacred feminine thread,
it takes BALLS to do this journey. laughs.
I'm not really ready to do ancestral
stuff, but I'm sure there is that there. And before I go.....there
is some VERY good news....... I found that when I was able STAND
in the crap, and choose life, and choose love...... with a wide
open vulnerability that was more important than saving face
or keeping the peace or being thought highly of.... From a place
of allowing myself to be OPENED by life's betrayals.... When
I chose to rise above the seemingly insurmountable amount of
CRAP..... to my amazement..... it began to FLUSH. Slowly. The
pile was high and the drains are small. But there is flushing.
Who knew it would take me so long to be potty trained. It is
a messy process. Thank you for not begrudging me the mess you
got caught up in here. Enjoy the pints. Love Cath
It is a good journey, in the results. Munay
lessons lessons lessons.
This thread has been FULL of them for me. I've learned about
...wow I've learned about speaking my truth.... I've learned
that living my journey fully, ruffles feathers sometimes. If
I could find a way to always be me and do my journey without
ever ruffling anyone....that would be nice. Though I am not
sure it is possible. I've learned to stop running, and own my
own hurt, and take responsibility, and not judge the hurt for
its worthiness of being there. I've learned about humility,
and that I value the journey more than I do another's approval...
I've learned how to sit in safety for the self, and let my love
and approval be enough. I've learned about standing in the CRAP.
And when I say crap...to clarify....I
don't mean I had a bad week, or someone at the grocery store
is annoying me....there is no childish angst here.
It's a place where if someone asked
me 'what's wrong?' I wouldn't have any idea where to start.
I mean.... when my legs have been pulled out from under me....and
the foundation has crumbled....and everything I hold dear, drops....
and I am low, shaking, DEFEATED on all fronts, and the prospect
of carrying on with life STINKS.... When I can stand in the
crap, and find it in my heart, my gut, my balls, to make the
very difficult choice to choose Life, Still,..... to choose
to be OPENED by life's betrayals....and find a place of love.....
then...................LOVE HEALS. And while I have always known
that theoretically. I have never Lived that on such a profoundly
deep, transformative level. And I've learned that some people
are amazing, like DragonHawk especially and Wynsong and others,
and despite what it does to them, they will STAND BY YOU while
you stand in the crap. And that has been awesome. And while
there are many other journeys that have called to be taken....
I'm pooped. So I think I will find a quiet place and rest a
few days. My heartfelt gratitude for the space to do this and
the help extended through this journey flows. This has been
this journey is one of those life changing moments. And while
it was Thanksgiving in the U.S. I still checked in on this thread
because I wanted to see how you were doing. I've struggled as
you have. I get it. I was reminded of the lessons of the 11th
Moon, Walks Tall Woman. Walking tall takes effort, a comfort
in Truth and from that comfort (whether we like it or not, but
it IS acceptance that bring the comfort) we can walk tall.
a good friend reminded me how far I've come and how I've grown
since she has known me. Through my family's hardships and the
struggles and the painful times I've had, I didn't see myself
as having grown. But she is correct, and she reminded me of
some of those life changing journeys that shifted me forever
- they were the painfully excruciating and rewarding in the
end life changing journeys - that have contributed to the whole
of me NOW. My friend's comment with my own reflections in this
11th Moon are timely. I don't know if Life gets easier to negotiate,
but Living does get easier when we can bring forth the Warrior
Woman when we know that we need to.
on of the greatest traits on the Feminine is knowing when to
turn on/up and when to turn off/down our energies whether that
be warrior, mother, caregiver...etc. It is the Awake woman,
the Awake person, who comes to learn how to do that. And, learning
comes by embracing the painful journeys, the life changing journeys,
for what they are. It is tough. I will continue to sort and
fight and reclaim as you have here. You've had wonderful company
here, company that challenges and accepts. Sometimes words get
minced which can be due
to how things are phrased and how they are received, of course.
And, we can't look someone in the eye to determine their intentions.
With that we deal, but we do know here at Spirit Lodge we all
are explorers, learners and teachers - for each other and our
- U.S. and Canadian - and may the blessings we celebrated encourage
us today and into 2010.
Bollix....I realized something.
While my selfish instincts are to run away and hide right now
---irony of ALL ironies....longing for the invisibility that
previously bothered me..... I have a responsibility to STAY.
And yes (((EagleSinging))), (((Cinnamon))) and many others I
probably forgot....you have been here on this walk with me,
and I see and THANK YOU, very much.
I forgot (((Earthwalker)))...thank
you for participating....your role was very important, especially
as a friend to DragonHawk while he was being exposed to unsafety.
And thank you everyone else who did
not verbally participate, but held space for the journeys. Sorry
that I didn't go through all the names before....there are a
lot of you. And you have each helped tremendously. Thank you
for the company. Thank you. And, ES, thanks for checking in.
I am okay. I will check out those posts soon enough. And Happy
I have to address an issue of SAFETY
on the journey. Sometimes the journey is uncomfortable. Somewhat
unsafe. And while I aim to always love you and be considerate
of you, I cannot promise that I will always be safe for you.
And to create your own safety......you can 'stand 15 feet back
from the lioness'.....or you can ask me to leave. That is fine...I
would understand. Or you can find your own safety some other
way. Or if it not too bothersome for you, you can stand in the
fire with me. And generally, I will try to do the journey much
more privately so this isn't an issue. It isn't very comfortable
for me to do this here. Though truthfully, if I had done this
privately, I don't think I would have been able to do as much
as I have. And still....I would very much like to ask for forgiveness
for the unsafety me and my journey created. I'm guessing the
journey gets easier only in the sense that next time this happens......I
will know what to do. (((DragonHawk)))...bless your heart. Thank
you for your presence, and your presents. Please forgive me
for involving you in crap you might rather not have been exposed
to or involved with. Life changing, yes. And Life. Changing.
Love Cath I keep editing this post....it's
not coming out quite right.
there's: · passive, · aggressive, and ·
Passive says "I
am lesser, you are better".
"I'm better, you are lesser".
pretends to say "I'm lesser, you're better", but secretly
feels "I'm better, you're lesser".)
"we're equal, and I have every right to own my choices
and actions, and I don't have to own yours in the process".
The 'you win, I
lose' position is passive. (I give you my power - wrong use
of power) The 'you lose, I win' position is aggressive. (I take
your power - wrong use of power) Finding a win-win situation
is assertive where the rights of both parties are recognized,
respected and utilized in reaching a healthy compromise. (The
power is in both of us, AND in the process - power used with
integrity and respect for all)
I can apply these
in my relationships with people and dogs. In it, I can see where
I walk (or sometimes teeter precariously, and sometimes slip
down a slippery slope) between the three. Where I start off
assertive, move to passive, then feel so helpless or powerless
that I become aggressive. Or became aggressive, then slid down
into passivity. I give up on my goal, and give in to the kids
or the dog - I become passive. I force my goal, and yell at
the kids, EarthSky or the dog, or go ahead and do something
against a previous agreement or in spite of something/ to spite
someone - I become aggressive. Or I pretend that I give up,
and shame or blame others into doing it my way after all - I
become passive aggressive. And I strive to be assertive - that
my needs are met WHILE I meet other peoples' needs, that my
rights are met WHILE I safeguard the rights of others. Basically,
that I give myself (or am given) the same respect that I give
others. Giving up my own needs or rights is disrespectful. Forcing
my stuff on another is disrespectful. When I allow others to
disrespect my needs or rights without stating that they are
doing so, I am disrespectful of myself, *regardless* of whether
someone else is disrespecting me. It is my responsibility to
meet my needs and to uphold my rights - nobody else's. If someone
else chooses to play a role in the story of my needs being met
- it's great. If they do it without me asking for it - it's
If they don't do
it, it's great. And sometimes raising my voice is not aggressive,
because I am still in control of the volume of my voice - it's
a *choice* to speak loudly, without the desire to instill fear
or to dominate a situation or a person. Sometimes raising my
voice is to restore the balance, not to tip it. And knowing
what is what, when it is happening - that's the trick. The biggest
tell-tale signs for me are that with the aggressive yelling
(reaction), I have all kinds of doubts niggling in my head and
heart the moment I am yelling, and I have guilt afterward. It's
a draining experience. If I was raising my voice while I am
in control of my emotions, it's a choice (creation) and I feel
energized and encouraged/ heartened (anyone here notice that
the root of courage is 'cour', which is from cor, the Latin
word for 'heart'?). And so I come to the part of the journey
where I realize that the Warrior Woman's actions are based in
LOVE. Not the 'nicey-nice' love, but the kind and compassionate
LOVE, even if her actions are fierce (from 'ferus', the Latin
word for 'wild/ untamed').
I love "Women
who Run with the Wolves" as an exploration of passive,
aggressive and assertive by means of the archetypes and roles
and expectations that we construct as a result. The wild woman
is assertive. She's not trying to dominate, or being dominated.
The wild woman doesn't go for coulds, shoulds, duty and obligation.
Her focus is responsibility and integrity - for all. She does
something because she believes in what she's doing and she knows
it will benefit everyone. The wild woman automatically includes
everyone, because she IS everyone and everyone is her. All is
one, and one is all.
The wild woman is
constantly increasing her consciousness, actively seeking keys
to awareness. She intends to increase light, not to increase
dark or hide the dark. There is nothing to hide, and nothing
needs to be hidden. For me, the warrior woman and wild woman
are the same. The strength of the warrior woman is not in how
much she dares to fight, has fought or will fight. The strength
is in that she *is*. She is a dis-coverer, un-coverer of that
which is hidden. She has compassion for the pain it can trigger
when something is un-covered. But she won't leave something
covered to prevent pain from
happening. Neither does she evade her own pain if she finds
there's something to dis-cover.
the story of the butterfly, who was 'helped' out of the cocoon
and in the process lost its ability to fly and died a horrible
death? It was seemingly 'nice' to help the butterfly, by preventing
its journey of struggle and hard work; but it was far from kind.
Warrior woman is
kind, not nice. It's not her job to be nice, it's her job to
increase consciousness, to bring hidden things to light, to
move forward and upward. She knows what she needs to do and
she does it with compassion and with the goal of a win-win.
She isn't attempting to dominate or to submit. She wants truth,
and she wants what's right by everyone. In this topic I see
everyone being assertive. I don't see aggression or passivity
- I see win-win, respect and an increase of consciousness. And
I love each and every one of you for it. (((Hugs)))
For what it's worth,
DragonHawk - from what you've said of your neighbor (who is
now divorced)... I wouldn't call her assertive. I would say
she is alternating between passive and aggressive, anxious/
nervous submissive and anxious/ nervous dominant in Cesar Millan
lingo. A very unbalanced state of mind in Millan lingo. She's
using might and force, rather than inner power/strength. Anyway
- all this to say that it's darn hard to LIVE the Warrior Woman
for me too. So often I get sucked into the unconscious victim/perp
drama in the stories my mind loves to make. And yet, I know
that Warrior Woman is still within me, plugging away at the
things that need to be dis-covered even if I can't yet distinguish
consciously in the moment. But afterward, I notice that Warrior
Woman is still there.
Warrior Woman isn't
only there in interaction with others - she's also there in
interaction with myself. Reflecting on something, so that it
can be improved. Realizing I did something wrong, and giving
me the courage to admit it and to correct it. Warrior Woman
is the one who does the right thing, even when nobody is looking.
(edited to add some more white space, and to separate out some
of the lines to break it up a bit. Sorry for the loads of words
Just a mousie little
detail so that there's no confusion about it - we are currently
in the Gives Praise moon - the 12th Moon, with full moon on
December 2. The Blue Moon (Thirteenth Moon) starts on December
16, and becomes full on December 31. I'll sticky a list of when
which moon was full in 2009 (the other topics are for 07 and
A couple more things won't
leave me alone....and I wish they would....because it's Friday
night and I'm supposed to be watching a movie.
A few more pieces of the journey
were.... BLAME. Bugger I hate this one. And you all said it....and
I DIDN'T LISTEN. I'm sorry....my ability to concentrate right
now has gone kaput.....I'm not smarter than a 5th grader tonight,
if you know what I mean. When I hurt...I blame OUT......because
that somehow feels easier than simply owning it right from the
get go. I got to the OWNING hurt eventually.....but my instinct
is to blame OUT. And for years now.....I have been RUNNING from
HURT. And that's not good.....because it creates a big pile....
and makes me OVERLY SENSITIVE.....and me being OVERLY SENSITIVE
is not fun for anyone. From that place....little things SET
ME OFF. And while I resist the rest of the journey....I see
I need to FINISH THE JOURNEY..... and that means I have to FACE
MY HURTS....and STOP RUNNING FROM........go into the stillness
and address simple little things AS THEY COME. Do I like being
the sh... disturber? NO I DO NOT! And sometimes...I guess I
AM. Do I resist HUMILITY? Sometimes when I would like to be
heard.... YES.....and I am also very aware that OTHER PEOPLE
KNOW MORE THAN ME. And that makes sense. And so I think (hopefully)
that I have done most of the hard stuff. And am ready to listen.
Although I request if people want me to understand what they
are saying over the next 4 days or so..... could you please
do me a favor and press ENTER half way through a line across
the page when you are typing. I'm much more of a telephone person
and can't seem to take it in the entire width of the computer
very well. It's also helpful if every so often you can double
space things....so the words aren't so overwhelming. Thanks.
Mouse....Hello....I'm not ignoring you I just haven't had a
chance to read what you wrote yet....but I will try to sometime
this weekend. ((((((((Mouse)))))))) Thank you. Dear Lord, thank
you. Yes, that is the journey. And I couldn't have explained
it so well myself. And thank you also for adding in all the
white space. I'll check out the moon stuff eventually. And I
am happy to have found that the next step of the journey led
to Relaxation. A number of more transformative things have happened
since my last post. I looked at my pains very closely. I could
find them in my body, describe them, see them. I looked at my
sorrow. It is a Drop. A big drop....not to the floor, or five
flights down.....but a drop from my gut to the centre of the
earth. Not a violent drop. A very gentle fast drop from here
to there. And I sat in my pain and allowed it to be.
And it was horrible. My neck my back....ouch.
And I didn't take pain killers.....which wouldn't have been
bad if I did....but it wouldn't have helped the journey. Another
way to run from pain. I looked at blame and decided to stop
Blaming and judging and being angry with myself for running.
It is simply an extension of my survival 'flight' instinct.
And I understand why I run from pain. Pain hurts. And....another
thing developed. I began dropping things. Not just cups and
saucers. I dropped momentarily a number of abilities: my intellect,
my ability to read, to concentrate, to swallow hurt and Do for
You, to hide. And I no longer need capital letters. And I developed....lo
and behold.....my boundaries. As a young Awake person, it is
very easy for me to get so excited with all the journeying that
I try to do too much. There are a million things for me to learn
and explore. Even here at Spirit Lodge. And I can't go to all
the threads right now because I can't do it all right now. And
I can't comprehend all the words. I see a lot of potential truths
at once, and as an adventurer, I want to explore them. I saw
the message of all the dropping. I can't hold it anymore. I
am at capacity, thank you. And that's great. There is lots of
time. This journey is enough right now. The journey to peace
with pain. It is wonderful, very messy, and it is enough. The
gifts of the pile of crap....are that it brought me to a place
where I cannot lie, cannot hide, cannot pretend, cannot maintain
ego, and cannot worry about xyz. And I am Eating my words from
a discussion I had awhile back with Wynsong............. I have
stopped trying to hold the universe. And I have allowed the
universe to Hold Me. And I am finding it a rather emotional
next step to return to a place of loving me, and forgiving me,
while standing in all this that is. The pains in my back have
lessened substantially. and things have begun to quiet and slooooowwwww
down. Thank you for the space, and the help. Love Cath
wait....there is more.... A lovely
friend Warrioress has helped me see......
Slack. After the wind has been taken
out of the sails......Slack. Movement. Dancing. And humility,
yes. And Divinity. It is extremely hard for me to step into
my own divinity because my inner critic is so loud. But....lies
aside.... I. Am. Great. And So. Are. You. Stepping into my own
Divinity. I am done ignoring my extraordinariness.......and
from this place......I see yours. Love, MICHELANGELO Womaste.
The Warrior Woman in me sees and honors the Warrior Women in
Still not done.... I found this poem
I wrote a couple years back. I had no idea what I was talking
about at the time. And I read it now....and if feels quite like
the Warrior Woman journey. And while I have not been able to
do this NEARLY so gracefully....It is what I have strived to
do. The princess king walked With frailty, and gentle grace,
with water in her fire's heart, Humbling her warrior face. She
knelt before a tree bug to thank it for its contribution, and
marvel at the work done for its family's restitution. The princess
king walked through sharpened spears flying The power of intended
steps, Their beauty fortifying. She knelt before a soldier with
an arrow in his eye, To grant him vision in his blindness and
wish him safely 'bye'. The princess king walked with minnows
and with spiders an unquestionable glory she needn't long for
higher. She knelt before the elders, who didn't understand when
she held them up in holy skies and couldn't reach their hand.
The princess king walked among a
field of answers to sift through them take them from knowing
lands to wonders. She knelt before the children, and with the
holiest of hearts, thanked them for their fearless faith, and
the lessons they impart. The princess king walked in mystery,
in present in the awakening of royalty, in the empathy of peasant.
She knelt before tomorrow to allow it what would come, and placed
two hands upon the head where diverted lives are one. I see
this has come full spiral. And I am nearly relieved of this
particular journey. But there are two more things. There is
offering thanks, and there is celebration. And let me tell you.......my
gratitude flows......it FLOWS. For those participating either
in voice or in space, and for those sitting scratching their
heads asking 'what is she on about?' For all the Men and Women
who have passed me on my journey....my gratitude FLOWS. And,
if you can, you may RECEIVE some of this gratitude. Hold it.
It's yours. You earned it. It is warming my heart, and let it
warm yours too. Let it fill you up and serve as a testament
that all your efforts through this bumpy road have been HelpFull.
And know that we are ALL better off upon the HEALING of a SISTER.
Let us hold that beauty. It is real. And it is temporary. We
must treasure this powerful beauty wholeheartedly Now.... because
throughout life, This Too Shall Pass. Let this be a lesson....(originally
the pronouns were I...but given all the company...I thought
WE was more appropriate.) We cannot give up when things are
uncomfortable and difficult. Sometimes, life has to get UGLY
before it can get GORGEOUS.
Sometimes, along the road, we can
come to the point where there is an overwhelming pile of crap.
And it is bigger than us. It is. BUT.....it is Not bigger than
LOVING HEALING and the UNITY of SoulFULL Brothers and Sisters.
Love Saves. And it starts from being our own savior. Asking
advice. Acknowledging stuff. And carrying on. My loving prayer
follows...... ~~~Channeling the vibrations in a different direction.
Redirecting intent to travel where the heart is, Because sometimes
that's what it takes, when it doesn't happen easily. After you've
sat in pain, and known it and learned from it, and you're ready
to step on, Sometimes, trying is needed. Place a song on my
lips, Lord, and I will exhale a butterfly. Place a friend in
my arms, Lord and I will let their wonderment testify. Place
courage in my feet, Lord, and I will walk without a shield.
Place surrendering in my heart, Lord, and I will let your wisdom
wield. Place your touch on my hand, Lord, and I will persevere.
Place improvement in the creature, Lord and I will happily disappear.
~~~ And now....it is time for the CELEBRATION. Where we can
CELEBRATE the journey. Things are messy. Times are tough. Defeat
happens. and along the way out of it there can be bumps and
bruises. But the road is not longer than we can manage. And
there are great rewards in FINISHING the journey. And I would
like to say, you are all invited to the party. The party is
going to last this whole day. And then I'm going to sleep for
a week. And then I believe that this particular journey, is
finished. And you are INVITED. and you are invited AS YOU ARE.
Whether you are old or young, male or female, happy or sad,
healthfull or ill, pleased or spitefull, however. You are INVITED.
And you don't have to come. And if you come, you can sit in
the corner. That's great.
Or you can be silly. And you don't
have to acknowledge that you came to the party by posting a
response here. And you can come late. Oh....There will be MUSIC
and there will be DANCING and there will be PINTS and CHOCOLATE
and CAPITAL LETTERS.... There will be LAUGHTER and JOY and there
may also be tears and other things.... and it will be a blast.....
And we can join in with James Brown....and sing I FEEL GOOD.
And then....after.....there will be sleep and quiet, I should
say there will be those things from me, at least for a little
while. THANKS. GIVING. The timing is just right. HALLELUJIAH.
Hey gang, I looked
at this notion of "assertiveness" last time we had
a debate on the subject here. It is form that work that I came
to the conclusion that the overall tenor of the word is not
particularly positive: there are far too many inferences that
imply a lack of seeing another person's point of view and being
able to integrate that into one's thinking and communication.
I think the other reason I don't like the word is that it implies
a position of weakness: that we might feel a need to "assert"
something in a manner that, regardless of whether intendedand,
we invoke the word's possible negative implications. Assertiveness
does not come from a position of strength to me.
Going back to the difference
between Lydia Becker and Tincabel Pankhurst: Becker got things
done by positive affirmative action: she campaigned for womens
rights generally and the right to vote particularly and actually
took women from all over Manchester to the voting stations to
ensure they did vote when the chance arose: as often if there
was no male head of household noted in the census, voting papers
were often sent in the female head of household's name: despite
the fact women were not allowed to vote. Tincabel Pankhurst
slapped a policeman to get herself in the papers: which course
would you take? The change in law in 1918 in Britain that first
gave any woman the vote was for those whom Becker had fought
for: not for what Tincabel Pankhurst fought for: and Becker
had been fighting since the 1860's. It was only when it was
decided by the powers that be that, on economic grounds, particularly
given just how many men had lost their lives in the Great War
(WWI), it would be economically advantageous
to start giving women more rights including the vote.
And for those who argue
that it was the rise in socialism that made the difference:
Cristobel's mother Emmeline secured the funds for the first
Socialist Hall in Manchester and was then told by the ruling
committee of the Labor Party that she could not enter because
it was a male-only club! So much for socialism and women's Suffrage.
To me, the three words Mouse spoke of would be passive, aggressive
and affirmative: affirmative speaks much more to me of being
on solid ground: of being in touch with our sense of Self (i.e.
that sense that tells us we can achieve anything that is in
accordance with our core values and which we truly desire) and
our ability to be "calm" but also with being strong
enough Within to be heard Without. How people perceive us does
to an extent depend on how we perceive ourselves. It's a known
fact that people with good communication skills rise up the
corporate ladder quicker, and to greater heights, than their
counterparts with lesser skills. In my twenties I had very strong
self-belief and I achieved everything I set out to achieve:
so much so that I when I did, I sat there and thought: where
do I go from here? I hadn't prepared goals for what came after
being made a company director at twenty seven: that was the
end goal from when I first started work at nineteen.
I stopped Dreaming at twenty
seven and it was all downhill to redundancy at thirty when the
company went bust. So I know that when I feel confident inside,
I can communicate better: and people seem to want to listen
and almost synchronistically I act in a manner that brings about
the things I desire more often. I am affirmative. When I am
down on myself I cannot make people listen and it all becomes
hard work: but I dont stop trying to get what I feel I
need: I might still get what I desire, but it would not be from
a position of strength and there probably wouldn't be as much
"win-win" in that situation: I would be much more
assertive in ensuring what I needed was achieved. So, to me,
there is an element of the "victim" in the world assertive:
the person isn't being acknowledged, which makes any feelings
of victimhood even more pronounced and their need to have their
voice heard (whether male or female) comes in in an over-compensatory
fashion. Rarely are we calm when over-compensate. So to me the
words "calm" and "assertive" are opposites.
But when we come from a perspective of "affirming"
we not only affirm our own rights, but by the nature of the
word we seem to affirm the rights of those we are interacting
with: there is much more of a basis of "mutualness"
(bad word I know, but can't think of a better one right now)
about that word. To me assertive implies energy going from one
person to another, an opinion being voiced that does not "affirm"
the opinion of the other person in the interaction, whereas
to affirmative is much more neutral: just energy "happening"
between the two parties: neither is giving or receiving the
energy as is the case with "assertive", it is just
there between them being exchanged but not sent or received.
Okay, thinking of another
way of putting this: get two "assertive" people interacting
and in my experience sparks will fly and little is achieved.
Get two affirmative people interacting and a degree of synchronicity
occurs. To be affirming in the first place to me says that we
are confident in ourselves; so there wouldn't be that sense
of taking offense that can occur when one party in a conversation
says something that the other party cannot accept. If both parties
feel confident in who they are Within, the strength offered
by that allows us to accept anothers point of view is
our own: but it doesn't impact our point of view to the extent
that it makes us defensive and feel the need to become aggressive
(as Tincabel Pankhurst became) or act aggressively towards others
(even if done so when we feel in full control of our actions)
Okay visitors so gonna have to come back to this: but I leave
below the dictionary work I did on the word "assertive".
Wiktionary -adjective boldly self-assured; aggressively confident;
cocky Dictionary.com -adjective confidently aggressive or self-assured;
positive: aggressive; dogmatic:. having a distinctive or pronounced
taste or aroma. Inclined to bold or confident assertion; aggressively
self-assured. Merriam-Webster online 1 : disposed to or characterized
by bold or confident assertion <an assertive leader> 2
: having a strong or distinctive flavor or aroma <assertive
wines> synonyms see AGGRESSIVE Cambridge dictionary of American
English describes someone who behaves confidently and is not
frightened to say what they want or believe: yourdictionary.com
adjective characterized by assertion; positive or confident
in a persistent way Wordsmyth.com forward or aggressive in speech
or action. one.look.com Assertive Positive; affirming confidently;
Now I did not understand
what peremptory meant, so had to look that up:
1 leaving no opportunity
for denial or refusal; imperative: a peremptory command. 2 imperious
or dictatorial. 3 positive or assertive in speech, tone, manner,
etc. 4 at Law: A that precludes or does not admit of debate,
question, etc.: a peremptory edict. B decisive or final. C in
which a command is absolute and unconditional: a peremptory
Origin: 1505-15; < L
peremptorius final, decisive, lit., deadly, destructive (deriv.
of premiere to take away fully, destroy, slay), equiv. to per-
PER- + em-, base of emere to buy, orig. to take + -torius -TORY
1 , with intrusive p
Synonyms: arbitrary, dogmatic,
Cocky? Confidently aggressive?
Synonym "aggressive"? Dogmatic! Are these states that
we should aspire to?
The word bold appears in
there too. Now, I know it is only a usage of a term that relates
to a particular geographic area, but whenever I go to Ireland
I hear this term being used to declare negative behavior "you're
being very bold" as a rebuke to a child whose behavior
isn't considered acceptable: akin to "naughty" but
implying more a lack of consideration for others: not quite
as strong as naughty and giving the child the opportunity to
correct the behavior itself: but a clear warning that if the
behavior continues the child will be reprimanded. If an adult
is described as bold (and they are) it is considered very bad:
as if an adult should know better than to be "bold".
Now "bold" in normal usage has connotations of daring
and courage, as noted in the Merriam-Webster description: but
look at the synonym used there: aggressive, implying assertiveness
in the way "bold" is used in Ireland, Another interesting
way the word "bold" is used is in the sense that it
is used to make something stand out in written text. Taking
that back to behavior, one of the more positive aspect of the
concept of assertiveness is in the context of having one's voice
heard: in internet etiquette, at least in the early days of
internet, "bolding" a comment was the equivalent of
"shouting" in face to face communication and I can't
help but feel in that sense that "bold" again has
that connotation of behavior that isn't considered acceptable:
a need to have one's voice/opinion heard above others.
The most positive descriptors
of the word assertive was this:
Synonyms: 1. forceful, decisive,
Forward? Now this could
be seen as a positive word: forward thinking for instance? But
it can also have connotations with regard to those who can be
a little "in your face" I found the examples of use
of the word, but had not referenced the link Example: "Too
assertive as a salesman" Example: "An energetic assertive
boy who was always ready to argue"
a range of meanings for assertive:
absolute, affirmative, affirmatory,
aggressive, assortative, assertional, bold, bossy, certain,
confident, decided, declarative/declaratory, definite, doctrinaire,
dogmatic, domineering, emphatic, firm, insistent, opinionated,
peremptory, positive, predicational, predicative, pushy, sure
I coloured them so that
I made sure I got them all then grouped the words according
to whether they allowed debate, were negative, positive or moving
towards negative: Absolute, certain, decided, definite, emphatic,
Aggressive, bossy, doctrinaire
(doctrinaire synonyms: authoritarian,
uncompromising, inflexible, unyielding)
dogmatic domineering, opinionated,
firm, insistent predicational/ive (predicational/ive: to proclaim;
declare; affirm; assert, make an affirmation or assertion)
Michelangelo, I was one
of those who stood back holding Space for you as I followed
your journey. I found it filled with pain and beauty...you stood
in the Fire and with your heart stepped from it without burns.
And I will come to your party and I will Dance with you to Celebrate
your growth. Well done! Congratulations!
DragonHawk, I can see the technical
points you are making about 'assertiveness'. But, for me, they
raise the question: doesn't the word hold neutrality until we
put the intent behind it? In those definitions I can see the
positive terms at times, negatives at others. All the terms
used to describe it can be intended either way depending on
the circumstances. So with this in mind, I feel the word assertive
can be a positive. Let me explain: I'm coming from a woman's
perspective, speaking for myself having grown up through the
feminist movement (which is a Big Picture perspective) and personal
challenges through it (Detailed Picture perspective) so now
at a ripe old age I'm asserting my opinion. There are times,
as a woman, I've had to assert myself in both negative and positive
ways to overcome challenges, I may not be proud of the negatives
assertions but I am comfortable with the positive ones. I've
had to stay the path against angry winds, to hold faith and
dig for the courage to do so. I've had to apply that courage
assertively to find the strength to overcome and I would venture
that there are many others (male or female) who have had to
do much the same at times in their lives. I walk my path with
conviction and in that conviction is found faith, strength and
yes, assertiveness at times to stay the course...regardless
of what someone else might try to do to dissuade or steer me
off course. It took a lot to get to this point and in my positive
assertiveness I do not see the negativity being present. I see
a positive strength in it. I'm not pushing my journey on anyone,
they are welcome to walk their own, but I do walk assertively
in own my ways. There is no room for arguing that my
convictions are my own, and I do not see that as a negative
either. It is my choice. It was made for my Self. In this light
I believe asserting can be a very positive thing. There are
times, when someone is or has been repressed, that asserting
themselves is called for to overcome that oppression. If done
in a right manner it's a positive action taken. IMHO I feel
that's at the heart of the feminine warrior too. It can drive
us up and out of difficult times when the human element (right
action called for) is added to the definition. I'm not saying
you or the dictionaries are wrong here, quite the contrary.
I'm only saying that perhaps it's the slant on the word? Or
the perspective we hold with it? Or the intent behind it that
alters or defines it as well. Rather than looking at women as
a whole perhaps we also need to look at the woman striving to
be whole. Just a munchie for you to consider, my friend, as
while I can't disagree with you, I can't fully agree either
as I do put that slant I mentioned on it personally. Words are
energy, energy is neutral until the intent sets things in motion
in a positive or contrary manner. IMHO
Well I could only carry
the celebration for one James Brown CD and one Aretha. And then
slept for 5 + hours. But it is Back On! In would like to learn
how to speak from my heart without needed capital letters all
the time.... so it doesn't sound like I am attacking the reader.....because
I'm not. DragonHawk...you will be so happy....I found the last
piece. Why does it bother me to feel invisible even when there
is clearly no intention for that? Because I don't Own my own
Power. And so I am sitting....no....I am Dancing and Rejoicing
in MichElAngelO.....for I believe the very first time. My spouse
doesn't recognize me. "Cathy, you look different."
"I am different." "And your out-breath is longer."
"Yes. It is." And so I am Going Out On The Town..........and
feeling great. And Cinnamon......Bless your Heart. I really
appreciated the space and the silence from you and everyone
too. If there were thirty voices, this could not have happened.
Much love, Michelangelo
Oh and DragonHawk....I see your point.
If you wish, you can change all my 'assertives' in your mind
to 'affirmative'......because that is more truly what I meant.
I don't spend much time with dictionaries....Cesar Milan from
the Dog Whisperer TV show uses 'assertive' when more truly he
means 'affirmative'. Cheers. p.s. Thank you for the large typeface.
Oh well now this is done....I find
I don't want to sleep! I am revved and Stoked and enthused!
And I want to invite you to come PLAY with me! Does anyone live
in Edmonton? And I want to Celebrate you and your Divinity.
And I want to empower you as this journey has empowered me!~
And I live in Joy! I have been completely transformed. Don't
know who this knew me is. But she talks. A lot. And she is very
honest. and loving still. She is still vulnerable and sensitive,
but not a china shop. I found my creativity, my spunk, my humor,
my sensuality and sexuality and athletic side, my inner Gorilla,
my Wild Woman, my ability to rejoice and bask in love. And the
nerve to Do fun things that I do Badly. Oh....and that I don't
care at all for housework! And now that I have healed the feminine
stuff.....I find I am able to get along much better with Men.
Including my father, who challenges me. Men will treat you very
well if you make simple, direct requests. So will women. And
if you are interested in a story you are telling a Man, then
they are interested too. Men are interested in stuff. Of course
so are women. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I don't
know if all the people in my life are quite ready for the 'Agent
of Change' I am.........and that's their journey. Anyway, I
just wanted to add that. The journey has been worthwhile and
the gratitude flows. Goodnight.
The messages keep waking me up ....and
Waking me, too. Turns out....the journey was not done. Although
the hard stuff was. The last piece is understanding Men. I've
been having some very interesting discussions with my spouse.
I have always loved Men....loved them to a fault!.....but I
have never understood them. Now....I believe I'm starting to
get it. Men like facts. They need to be respected, yes, and
they have feelings and can do feelings, but they also like facts.
And when a man says he disagrees with me, he is not saying he
disagrees with ME, but he disagrees with my particular words
or actions at that time. He is simply stating his honesty. OH!
OKAY!~ And while Men to need to know they are loved and appreciated,
they don't need to hear it at every conversation. And now that
I get this.....I might not need to know it in every conversation
either. Do I like hearing it? YES.
Men don't always need a hundred fluffies
and flowers. They would be fine if you ended the conversation
with "It was very nice talking to you. Peace out Bro."
And it is me who has the need, being a woman, to say 'Love you
heaps. Bye now.' and if I can find a way to tell men I love
them from a way that more speaks their language....like saying
'You're awesome', for example....then that is appreciated. Am
I particularly interested in facts? Not especially. I'm more
interested in feelings and personal experiences. Tell me of
a time where you were totally out of gas, and how you found
the strength to wake up in the morning. That's more a conversation
I'm interested in. And when I simply explain how I work......Men
understand me too! And I also found..... there are some facts
that I AM INTERESTED in. And VOILA....we have common ground!
I am interested in Science. From this thread, you would probably
not believe me if I told you I am a plant geneticist. But I
am. I love genetics. And plants. Although I am having a very
hard time keeping them alive at work. First deer problems, now
insects. And because of my schooling, my language skills are
very developed when it comes to talking about science. I can
make long, full sentences. I'm still not very good at reading
them. I am also interested in biochemistry, and physics. Although
my knowledge there is much less. I also like to talk about the
Weather. And Dance. And Food. If there is a neat book your reading
because it taught you something, that would be interesting for
me to hear of too. I am less interested in history, literature,
intricate gadgets, cars, football or hockey. And I'm good with
the fact that other people may be very interested in those things.
Actually it's great. Someone has to like cars....or we would
all have problems! I'm saying this not to initiate a long scientific
chat.....but because it is a dis-covery of another side of me.....and
from there, I understand more about all of you. And I have arrived
at a place of not just Womaste.......(I would like to say Menamaste....but
I am not a Man....) I have arrived at Namaste. From my own space
of power and being, I see yours, love you, and understand you
a little bit more. Love, Michelangelo and Peace out Bros.
M2, I am
still here, reading and holding space: just busy in the mundane
right now so not able to post as often as I would like. You
said: STANDING in crap, and choosing life.
STANDING in crap,
and choosing love, still. STANIDNG in all that I cannot control,
all that I do not know, all the sucks and hurts and is painful
and emarassing STANDING in it.
my heart SWELL....deeper than my pain. Deeper than anything.
Letting my heart swell even in the crap.
Well I have been there
a couple of times, in the UAE particularly. First of all, in
Abu Dhabi a female spirit came: in of all places my hotel room.
I wasn't sure about her as she was black: but she was the place
of my fears: the fears I projected onto her: as in reality she
was the space of my creative potential. I didn't see that till
I met her out in the desert though. So she scared me and I avoided
her: didn't interact with her: just watched as she grew larger
and then changed into a spiral and disappeared: I see now she
was showing me the cycles of life and death: growing and receding.
Later this would be important.
When I moved to Dubai,
after the rows with a personnel girl that brought me there,
a male spirit came to me in my apartment just as I moved in.
He would "run" down the apartment and fly out the
glass wall (French doors and screens) at the bottom end of my
living area. I felt he was trying to coerce me to do the same.
That scared me.
I already had a really
bad cold and other health stuff going on, which I later found
out to be Hepatitis A, picked up no doubt from poor food prep
in the Abu Dhabi hotel (which for a Sheriton was bad news!).
I went on my visa run to Oman and met the female spirit again
out in the desert. This time she was the desert: she was the
Land, she was Mother: the creative potential. Then Dubai collapsed
(the extent of collapse everyone out there knew was happening
at the time but has only really got into the news in the last
week) and I was made redundant. There was nowhere I could go:
I was stuck there: all my worst "security" fears manifested:
in a foreign country I could not leave due to their employment
laws I had to go through a process: no job, no funds and the
threat of incurring something like £35,000's worth of
debt with rent and fines as my company had not applied for my
work visa: meaning I had effectively been working there illegally.
Swollen heart? Yep.
Luckily Cinn and I had had been communicating throughout my
period in the UAE and with her help in the spiritual and Jagaur
Eye's help in the mundane I got through. Cinn showed me how
to open up to healing: to release all that fear and the pain
it brought: and somehow I did. I realized that the male spirit
was speaking of Shamanic Death: letting go. The female spirit
first brought the promise of new beginnings, and the strength
that lies within when I met her in the hotel room in Abu Dhabi.
By releasing and opening up my heart to my true potential, she
showed me that potential; she showed her (or my) Self to me
out in the desert that day. Funny, but in the bible they call
the desert the wilderness: but really they mean that place Within
us were we are alone with OUR Self. The male spirit invited
me to accept the Death which I did by the releasing I was chatting
through with Cinn: at which point the female spirit could show
the Self to me as it truly is: its power and its creativity:
it's ability to take us beyond mundane hurt and pain to a state
of pure bliss.
That place is the
place where all our misconceptions: all the conditioning of
our mundane lives is released and we can simply BE for a while.
Then we can take action to change what needs to be changed.
We can let go of conditioning. And be out True Self in the physical.
That was the point
about Suffrage. Lydia Becker was living her True Self to me
and she was empowering other women to do the same: to take responsibility
and achieve as women. She was showing them how and guiding them
through the process as women. She was a role-model in that respect.
Tincobel Pankhurst was trying to change the notion of woman
by becoming more man-like: by acting like a man: moving away
from that empowering Inner World satisfaction and ability to
create I found in the UAE to something hollow Without. She as
a Shadow Teacher to me, but due to her notoriety that was the
way Suffrage went under her model. Something was lost in Pankfurst's
actions: the ability to find Mother in either men or women:
as the role-model was now of the masculine woman and the Shadow
Masculine at that. I have some very successful female friends:
women who have "made it". Their success and their
wealth have not brought them happiness.
Yet the first woman
I recall ever meeting in recent years who seemed happy was Jaguar
Eyes. Seeing her and her hubby (Dolphin Man) together for the
first time in the mundane I saw the Union in full swing. As
Arethra Frankin (I think it was) sang "behind every great
man there has to be a great women". Jaguar and her hubby
"lived" that song. Her children are grown up now and
have their own lives: but she still lives as Mother. Not in
the sense of physical Mother, but in the sense of being the
creative spark that allows Dolphin to go out into the world:
he takes the spark out into the world and then brings the fruits
home for Jaguar to weave. The cycle repeats. Few people are
actually successful out in the UAE. It's a very difficult place
to live for westerners. Jaguar and Dolphin lived it successfully
for eight years together, made all the right moves at the right
times. They had burdens to carry, such as when Jaguar's daughter
was sick : but they had the strength to hold true. I believe
that that strength came from Jaguar's ability to be Mother.
Not in the physical sense, but in the spiritual sense. That's
what I believe has been lost in our society. That ability for
women to appreciate their role as co-creators and Mothers: so
many women I know wonder why they are unhappy: why their lives
don't go as they would wish: they are simply not co-creating
them: they are trying to create themselves, without the Father:
so there is no Union, and nothing to bring forth. It's the same
for men too: but women hold the seed of the Creation, not men.
the funds for me to remain in this inner world most of this
year: free of the encumbrance of having to go to work for all
but a short period during the height of summer (south: experience)
where I had a female boss who was more like a man in drag than
a women: even down to her physical appearance (having more the
body of a late-teens boy than a woman). She, and other women
in my life this year showed me how we can be thwarted. She was
the most aggressively confrontational women I have come across
in a long time. She had just had twin boys (about 6 months old)
and almost every day for the four months I was at that company,
the nursery would ring because one of them was sick and every
day she would have to make the choice to stay at work or be
a mother. Rarely did she leave work to go to her children. Work
came first, but the anguish of that decision was clear on her
The word blame was
a bad word to use in the sentence Wynsong picked up on but all
the same, but I do think that without that model (Lydia Becker
again) of Mother we have lost something in our society. I think
the notion that any of us can have it all is stupid. Apart from
the fact it is selfish, there is no union: nothing from which
New Life can come forth.
I had a reading done
a couple of months ago, where there was talk of an inheritance:
a death in the family and an inheritance. Well I couldn't see
this. But when I thought about it in terms of my spiritual life:
the Death was obviously a Shamanic Death and the inheritance
was one of moving beyond societal norms and early conditioning
and finding my spiritual inheritance: find the co-creator in
me. The spirit I met in the desert was Mother Nature. Our True
Nature. In the same reading notions of men who I aspired to
be in my early life came forward; and the only guy I could come
up with was a man like Jaguar's hubby (whose wife was like Jaguar:
another model of the Union). In this reading I was being shown
how to use the models to Create.
To cut a long story
short M2 it is from the heart that we Create our Earth Walk.
The mind cannot do it: it can take the flash of inspiration
and channel it to the heart, but all actions that come out in
the world have to pass through the heart (to our legs that walk
the Journey) first. A swollen heart holds the potential to accept
the flash of inspiration that renews and heals us: ready to
take us out into the world again.
seem to have used you as a catalyst for my own journey in a
way that was probably not particularly pleasant for you. I am
truly sorry about that. And though you might not have signed
up for the role, you have given a great gift.
M2, there was no unpleasantness
for me. One of the beauties of my UAE Journey is that, from
finding that Mother Within, that inner me, I am much more able
to distinguish what is mine and what is not. If someone is angry
or upset at me, I see that that is their anger/upset not mine.
I have a choice then to look Within my Self and decide how I
will respond. I can look objectively at how my actions might
have been the catalyst for their anger/upset and decide how
to respond if that is the case. In this case I saw I had used
a word badly and stated so. You said I wasn't looking and backed
into your car. That may be the case actually in the bad use
of the word blame: but you (and Wynsong) chose to be hurt by
my actions: I didnt back my car into you purposely and
even if I had, it would not have been to hurt either of you:
and actually, I don't believe in accidents: I think everything
happens for a reason: we may not know that reason, but I do
believe there is reason behind everything that happens in our
life. The Journey both yourself and Wynsong have taken as a
result of this "accident" could be the reason. You
are both seeking the Mother with swollen hearts to find the
root of that anger/hurt: very appropriate for the Celtic Moons
of the season and Winter itself: where we go let go of our concerns
in the mundane and go Within the deepest darkest (as in hidden)
parts of our Self, ready to shine a light on what we find their
as the Light is reborn at Solstice: the Light then fading into
a pinpoint that gives direction until the light fully return
at Beltane of the coming year. I had no choice but to stay in
my pain in the UAE: it was time and I was avoiding doing so,
so Spirit/Mother brought me a lesson where I could not escape:
and I learnt from that.
I ran at the start
of this year when someone accidently backed their car into me
at a time i was feeling
very vulnerable. In doing so, I found the pin-prick of Light
and followed it: it showed me, through experience in the mundane
over summer, how my conditioning and people who were in my early
life acted as mentors or Shadow Teachers and how (which is what
I have shared here in your thread). The opportunity to relive
the experience of the start of the year arose briefly in the
Summer (experience again) and this time it was no accident:
someone set out deliberately to provoke me having failed a couple
of times since the first experience: and whislt I chose my actions
then, rather than re-acting from an emotional perspective, there
was still a degree of accepting their anger/hurt in my responding.
It was very slight, but I felt it. So I have to thank you and
Wynsong for the opportunity to experience your anger/hurt, but
not take it on board and feel hurt/angry myself. In summer the
angry person ran, but you have stayed and I thank you for that.
Winter is the season of Wisdom, when the assimilations of the
summer experiences are brought to Wisdom so it feels pertinent
for me to experience this lesson again and not take on board
yours and Wynsongs anger/hurt. Okay, time waits for no
man lol, so I have to go again, but I will be back.
M2, Reading some of
your later posts before I left I found this:
will be so happy....I found the last piece. Why does it bother
me to feel invisible even when there is clearly no intention
for that? Because I don't Own my own Power.
When I was in Ireland
over Samhain I went to the Hill of Tara (on Samhain): a hill-top
Neolithic mound monument with fantastic views over the surrounding
landscape. it is reputedly the home of the ancient High Kings
of Ireland. I go every time I visit Ireland am have a ritual:
I walk up the "avenue" (a long cutting on the side
of the hill that takes you to the earthworks on top) and around
the various mounds and features on the top in a particular fashion
with particular thoughts in my mind and heart. I asked to come
into my own Power this visit. As with other things since the
events in teh UAE and finding the Mother Within, things happened
pretty quickly. A couple of nights later I was lying in bed
at my aunt and uncles which was my mother's childhood home.
I was lying with my back to the door when I heard a sound like
someone pushing down the handle on the bedroom door (i.e. to
open the door). I fumbled for the light by the side of my bed
as I knew my aunt and uncle had gone to bed long before me.
Nothing happened: but I felt a presence out in the hall. I lay
there, realizing it was a spirit who said he was Death. I sat
there petrified for maybe half an hour, refusing this spirit
entry to the room or the opportunity to speak to me calling
on the Light like biliio! It waited out in the hall and did
not ask again to come in. Eventually, I figured that if this
was death for me I needed to face it, so despite my fear, I
decided I was going out in the hall. I put my jeans and T
on and opened the bedroom door as quick as I could. Nothing.
But I heard noises in the large living-kitchen on the other
side of the hall. With a degree of trepidation I quickly burst
into the kitchen and switched on the light. Nothing. But I heard
voices on the lane that goes up by the side of the house outside.
At this point I did
not know if the voices were spirit or mundane. I walked over
to the kitchen window on the other side of the room. I thought
if they were mundane I would see shadows on the blinded window
from the single lamppost on the crossroads outside. No such
shadows. But I did think I recognized the voice as two of my
uncles who have now passed over to the other side. I remained
in the kitchen for a good hour: not quite sure what was going
on and not totally convinced
the voices I heard were spirits. But who else would be out on
the lane at 3am out in the middle of nowhere in rural Ireland?
Eventually after about an hour the voices ceased, the spirit
that said he was death had gone too. He came again the next
night, the last night of the Samhain festivities, but this time
I was not scared. I didn't speak to him, other than to tell
him to leave this place and asked Spirit to guard over myself
and my loved ones, but I was not scared of Death.
It strikes me when
you speak of men that there is a reference to your own masculine
in there too. The masculine to me is the warrior aspect to a
degree who takes the power that comes from the Mother Within
and uses it out in the mundane. In the assimilations of my Journey
to the UAE I was shown an X shape with the Upright Feminine
(Mother Creator) and the Shadow Masculine (Death/Destroyer)
on one axis and the Shadow Feminine (Baron Woman?)) and the
Upright Masculine (Power?) on the other. The first pairing makes
sense to me: that which is created must be destroyed if the
Creation is to continue. The second I am still working with,
but would the situation I was discussing when power is used
without reference to the feminine: the Inner World Self. Like
I said still working on these pairings. Could be that the two
Upright and two Shadows should be together on the same axis:
don't know as yet as I have only just started working with the
Father. But more than anything I wanted to say that, to me,
once we find the Mother Within, we are led to the Father Within
i.e. the masculine comes after the feminine in that respect:
the feminine must come forward first, bring the seed, and be
the vessel for the inner masculine or Father
And here is another piece
of the puzzle.... Owning and Loving the contradictions of my
Self. I am a Nice Girl. And I am a B1tch. I am Quiet and I am
the Sh... Disturber. I am a Creator and I am a Destroyer. I
am honest and clearly, I've been telling lots of lies to my
Self. I am feminine, and I am masculine. I am a pushover and
I am assertive. I am easy going and I am overly sensitive. I
am emotional and I am smart. I am irrational and I am rational.
I am Strong and I am weak and vulnerable. And OVERLY and TOO
is something I place on my Self. Something I decide it is TOO
because it is More than I am comfortable with, not more than
someone else is comfortable with. And I EMBRACE my Overly and
Too because it BRINGS GIFTS. The DUALITIES of the Self. The
2 of Michelangelo. Okay, okay, okay. Thank you thank you thank
And DragonHawk....thanks. I'll get
to your posts eventually. Love, Michelangelo2
am enjoying getting to know a bit more about you, Michelangelo2.
Thank You! (((Eagle Singing)))
I know you know this journey. So I would like to ask you.....
How do you tame the power? I need to learn this. I need to learn
it before I hurt people. How do you return to Planet Earth???
You can inbox me. I'd like to wrap up this thread. Thank you
so much. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Spirit Lodge))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
There is more to the journey. I have decided to step out of
Center Stage now! LOL. And I would like to watch Other People's
Shows!!! I would like to get to know you more. I will travel
to other threads shortly. It would have been nice if I could
have gotten to know everybody first and then done my journeying.
I am sorry I couldn't do that. It came from a place of tiring
from the life of 'you first, me later.' I sort of fought to
reclaim balance. There is balance now. I am very happy about
that. If you are particularly curious about something you may
inbox me privately. I like to share, I won't mind. I've caught
the flu. Another manifestation of the journey. Needing rest.
So I have a valid reason to take a week off. (((DragonHawk)))
You have taught me that it is okay to be thorough. That it is
okay that I speak. Thank you, Dear DragonHawk. You have taught
me that it is okay that I ENTER space, when loving souls are
holding it for me. Your profound experiences in the UAE sound
no doubt transformative~! Thank you for telling me your beautyfull,
moving stories. They are heard and cherished.
Through the process....I felt a pull
to want to call you Uncle. Would you like to be my pretend Uncle?
Maybe you could teach me how to read better. I won't invite
you to dysfunctional family gatherings.....though there is FUN
in dysfunctional. You don't need to answer me. Just know you
were invited into family. If you wish, you may inbox me. DragonHawk.
I celebrate that you are a Literary MasterMind. That you are
a detective. You hunt for clues....bring forth the evidence....solve
the puzzle. That your IQ is high. That you are able to express
yourself fully and accurately. I also celebrate that I have
reading comprehension difficulties. People in my life keep telling
me that I don't. They're wrong. I can read well, but it is a
struggle. That may limit me quite a bit at online boards. Oh
well. If something is important for me to hear right now, I
trust I'll hear it. I am seeing things now....Angel messages....it
is weird. I will say it was incredible to see you FLY. I believe
you are one of the Spirit Beings that, while you probably live
in Tenor, or one of the ones below that....you can do Baritone,
Bass, Tenor, Alto, Soprano. I have lived in Alto. And I've seen
recently, I'm actually more strong (and weak) in Soprano. I
can do other ranges. Sometimes it is a stretch. To Every One
at (((Spirit Lodge))), I cannot put into words my gratitude
right now. It is big. Thank you very kindly for the S P A C
E and the patience and the nudges. I nearly quit.............and
you lifted me. And I needed it. Have a great week! Namaste.
Glad you made the inbox
invitation. Check your mail. *Smiles*
Hey M2 , I graciously
accept your kind words, though I do think you have and yes you
can call me Uncle if I can call you Aunt because you reminded
me of something in this thread:
What should we strive to
be? We shouldn't. We already ARE all of it.
This was the result of my
UAE Journey and I had forgotten it. I'm human and I forget things
and that's OK as long as I take time-out to remember. It seems
appropriate that the notion your words brought should return
as I end the year of assimilations of the UAE Journey. In many
respects your thread and the discussions You and I have had
here were like what Jamie Sams calls a "Pop Quiz"
for me: a reminder lesson that asks us if we have integrated
the learning and knowledge the original lesson brought to the
point it becomes Knowing. We are at the Full Moon of the Celtic
"Tide Moon" right now: we are in the deep depths of
the House of Tethra (the deepest darkest (again as in hidden)
part of self: the Self (at least as we understand
Self from a human perspective).
I walked out to the car
to go to the local store for some milk around nine last night
and the Moon was full and bright staring down directly from
the east (clarity) and I was reminded to allow my Self to go
to Tethra Like your "I am X and I am Y" the House
of Tethra is both Death and the promise of New Life. The Moon
has no Light of its own, it reflects the Light of the Sun in
the otherwise dark night sky showing us that the life we live
on the earth plane is not Life, but only a reflection of Life.
In this respect Night is like a synonym for our Earth Walk:
our self in comparison to our spirit's Day: Life and the Self.
The Moon reminds me that even at the darkest times, when we
are feeling "less than" the Light is still there:
Life never leaves us but is our constant companion: but in those
"less than" times we are perhaps only seeing the reflection
of the Light, not the Light itself: this would be "assertive"
Light: a reflection of True "affirming" Light. In
that respect I can see the value of "assertive" as
the contrary of "affirming": just as when a totem
comes to us it usually comes as Contrary Medicine until we have
mastered it's Medicine, so in that respect I can see that we
have to be assertive before we can be affirming. Maybe Tincobel
Pankhurst and the way the Suffrage movement went after her actions
(i.e. the Suffragettes) had to assertive before women could
become affirmative (Suffragists)? That too is a remembering
as that was how women like Lydia Becker worked: they didn't
want women to become like men: they wanted women to retain their
femininity: the early Suffrage women (in the UK at least: though
I am not sure if the same could be said in the States) were
Suffragists. Tincobel's mother Emmeline backed away from the
Suffragettes and its ties with socialism, even becoming a Conservative
later in life: funny how it is her name, not Tincobel's, that
is remembered as being the leading figure in the Suffrage movement
in the UK: thus hiding the unsavory aspects of the movement:
and the (male) Establishment's unsavory consumption-orientated
reasoning for giving women the vote and other rights. All nicely
swept under the carpet in the figure of Emmiline Pankhurst:
the respectable face of UK Suffrage, but one that hides Truth.
The current UK government (led first by Tony Blair and now by
Gordon Brown) have shown just how Machiavellian that Establishment
can be and how they will use any means to achieve their aims.
Unlike previous Establishment figures, or men like Obama, they
have not been clever enough to hide their true motives. Your
use of the word "striving" just struck me as relevant
to the notion of assertive/affirmative. We strive to be "assertive"
but we don't usually strive to be affirmative: we can't strive
to be affirmative, we either are or we are not: yet many strive
to be assertive. Like calm, affirmative speaks more as a state
of Being whereas assertive seems more like a doing word. I know
both are adjectives but assertive seems more like a verb to
me. Your notion of Ass and Firm in those words reminded me of
the time in my early thirties when I was getting over being
made redundant aged 30 when the firm I worked for went belly
up. I was "striving" to get back into the swing of
work again, having lost some of my "get up and go"
attitude towards work. I was deep into personal and management
development via tapes at my local library. One day there was
not much on the shelves so I took a series called "Assertiveness
Training with Dr. Helga Rodey". I remember it so well as
the woman was an Ass. Just another reminder, so thanks for that!
Should we strive to be assertive? No, we are already affirmative:
we just need to remember that. Thanks for the inbox invitation
and being invited into your family: I consider it an honor.
Oh and my inbox has no restriction, so if you ever want a chat
about something feel free to contact me.
Oh man I posted a response
here and it's gone. I don't think I'm gonna bother retyping
it all. The short version is: thanks again Cinnamon, glad you
had fun brainy Uncle DragonHawk! We passed the pop quiz. Nice
analogy. Thanks for making me look up Machiavelli, though I
don't know if you meant that. There were messages there. I can't
take all the cues in now. I'm good with that! Affirmation has
come, as has ancestral wisdom you'll be pleased to know. Milk
and bananas are important and helping your Aunt Cathy right
now. hehe. Bookstores are dangerous! I've been to one and managed
not to buy the whole store. I haven't sat down and opened the
books yet, but I plan to give it a start this evening. Thank
you. It's been a slice~! Bye for now.
Youre welcome. *Smiles*
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